One thing is for certain about Comedy Central's Justin Bieber roast: It's going to be the comedy event of 2009.
Look, I saw that recent “SNL” parody of Bieber's Calvin Klein campaign featuring Kate McKinnon in the stuffed skivvies; I know it can still be funny to make fun of Bieber, but an officially sanctioned Bieber roast feels way, way past due in 2015. If the “Baby” crooner had participated in his own comic evisceration back in 2011 or so, I think it'd have gone a long way in curbing his reputation as a humorless punk. Now it just feels like an apology for years of PR snafus and another example of a huge star getting exactly what he wants (and oh look, it is!). I wasn't a fan of Charlie Sheen attempting to recoup his losses a few years back — especially since he'd done more unforgivable things than Bieber — and I'm under-enthused to see yet another famous dude win a chance to look cool because he's decided not to be a jackass for 30 minutes.
Plus, don't you think all the best Bieber jokes have been thrown out by now? Here are some Bieber classics from Twitter that cover everything Jeffrey Ross and Lisa Lampanelli could possibly riff about.
His YouTube success is annoying, ISN'T IT.
Remember: All this is happening because you assholes HAD to share some dumb Canadian kid's YouTube video with everybody in 2007.
– Adam Weinstein (@AdamWeinstein) January 23, 2014
He looks like a child!
Photo of Justin Bieber getting pulled over last night.. pic.twitter.com/xa1MOlPdHT
– RELLZ (@TheSoDopePosts) January 23, 2014
That Calvin Klein ad was lame and fake!
Justin Bieber's original Calvin Klein photo pic.twitter.com/cllFmbNBRY
– Comedy Photos (@RealPhotoBombs) January 14, 2015
He's been arrested a few times, y'all.
“I sentence you to free credibility in the world you are actively trying to gain credibility in.” -judge to Bieber
– josh groban (@joshgroban) January 23, 2014
Did you know he's from Canada?
Justin Bieber is single-handedly bringing the Canadian niceness average down to American levels.
– Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) January 23, 2014
There are many symptoms of “Bieber fever”
My Bieber Fever has turned in a rash with these open pustules around my gonaxial areas. 4 @JustinBieber
– RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) October 16, 2013
All in all, he's a bit of a rascal.
All jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of shit.
– Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) January 23, 2014
Throw in a few references to Usher and MAYBE Carly Rae Jepsen if they're brave enough, and that's the whole special. Even diehard Beliebers like Anne Frank know this.