As if one rapping son of a multiple Oscar winner wasn’t enough (Chet Haze 4-ever!), today brought the welcome news that Gabe Day – offspring of Method Acting extraordinaire Daniel Day-Lewis – is also seriously trying to start a legitimate hip-hop career, using the hardscrabble streets of Sarah Lawrence College for inspiration. So how does he stack up against other famous offspring-turned-musicians? Below we’ve highlighted seven and ranked them from least-bad to worst.
1. Willow Smith
Child of: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Genre: Kiddie hip-hop/Weirdly angst-ridden R&B
Band Name: N/A
Look: Rihanna-lite
Sample lyric: “Hop up out the bed, turn my swag on/Pay no attention to them haters ’cause we whip ’em off”
Talent: The progeny of Will and Jada tops the list based solely on her addictive 2010 single “Whip My Hair,” which was way, way catchier than a Willow Smith song had any right to be.
2. Robin Thicke
Child of: Alan Thicke
Genre: R&B
Look: Beetlejuice chic
Sample lyric: “What do they make dreams for? When you got them jeans on? What do we need steam for? You the hottest bitch in this place.”
Talent: Robin Thicke is exceptionally talented when it comes to stealing from Marvin Gaye.
3. Sasha and Theo Spielberg
Children of: Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw
Genre: Indie rock
Band Name: Wardell
Look: Uptown Goes Downtown
Sample lyric: “The rain is a small plan/I’ll say it’s better than/The days I’m stuck inside the house again/House again”
Talent: Sasha and Theo’s airy tunes are proof that a life of mind-blowing privilege doesn’t always have to translate to terrible music.
4. Gabe Day
Child of: Daniel Day-Lewis
Genre: White boy rap
Look: The most run-down section of Sarah Lawrence College
Sample lyric: “Call me Gabe Day, and not Gabe Day-Lewis, because if you”re tryna call me out I”m bout to Gabe Day lose it. I know what my name is, and shit I know what fame is, judging someone for their dad is just as bad as being racist.”
Talent: Gabe definitely has some talent inside of him, it’s just hidden behind a massive attempt to look cool.
5. Zosia and Clara Mamet
Children of: David Mamet
Genre: Indie folk
Band Name: The Cabin Sisters
Look: Brooklyn plus money
Sample lyric: “Bleak love in the morning. Bleak love in the evening. Melancholy. All the melancholy all the time.”
Talent: Although they’re mostly known as the perpetrators of the most epically failed Kickstarter of all time, The Cabin Sisters can put together a cute enough little ditty.
6. Weston Cage
Child of: Nicolas Cage
Genre: Black metal
Band Name: Eyes of Noctum
Look: The gothest of goths
Sample lyric: “Thou may wilt on thine thorne of magnolia clouds as I burn in what you believe to be my damnation”
Talent: Weston has channeled his rage at being related to Nicolas Cage into tuneless expressions of Scandinavian angst and massive amounts of growling.
7. Chet Haze
Child of: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson
Genre: Rap (naturally)
Band Name: N/A
Look: Date rape chic
Sample lyric: “Do it to the fullest so bitches say I’m sleazy/But they just don’t understand that I just want them to please me”
Talent: Chet Haze’s music is the soundtrack to my existential crisis, and not in a good way.
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