Daniel Day Lewis’s son is a rapper: Ranking the music careers of celebrity offspring

As if one rapping son of a multiple Oscar winner wasn’t enough (Chet Haze 4-ever!), today brought the welcome news that Gabe Day – offspring of Method Acting extraordinaire Daniel Day-Lewis – is also seriously trying to start a legitimate hip-hop career, using the hardscrabble streets of Sarah Lawrence College for inspiration. So how does he stack up against other famous offspring-turned-musicians? Below we’ve highlighted seven and ranked them from least-bad to worst.

1. Willow Smith
Child of:
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Kiddie hip-hop/Weirdly angst-ridden R&B
Band Name:
Sample lyric:
“Hop up out the bed, turn my swag on/Pay no attention to them haters ’cause we whip ’em off”
The progeny of Will and Jada tops the list based solely on her addictive 2010 single “Whip My Hair,” which was way, way catchier than a Willow Smith song had any right to be.

2. Robin Thicke
Child of: Alan Thicke
Genre: R&B
Look: Beetlejuice chic
Sample lyric: “What do they make dreams for? When you got them jeans on? What do we need steam for? You the hottest bitch in this place.”
Talent: Robin Thicke is exceptionally talented when it comes to stealing from Marvin Gaye.

3. Sasha and Theo Spielberg
Children of: Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw
Genre: Indie rock
Band Name: Wardell
Look: Uptown Goes Downtown
Sample lyric: “The rain is a small plan/I’ll say it’s better than/The days I’m stuck inside the house again/House again”
Talent: Sasha and Theo’s airy tunes are proof that a life of mind-blowing privilege doesn’t always have to translate to terrible music.

4. Gabe Day
Child of: Daniel Day-Lewis
Genre: White boy rap
Look: The most run-down section of Sarah Lawrence College
Sample lyric: “Call me Gabe Day, and not Gabe Day-Lewis, because if you”re tryna call me out I”m bout to Gabe Day lose it.  I know what my name is, and shit I know what fame is, judging someone for their dad is just as bad as being racist.”
Talent: Gabe definitely has some talent inside of him, it’s just hidden behind a massive attempt to look cool.

5. Zosia and Clara Mamet
Children of: David Mamet
Genre: Indie folk
Band Name: The Cabin Sisters
Look: Brooklyn plus money
Sample lyric: “Bleak love in the morning. Bleak love in the evening. Melancholy. All the melancholy all the time.”
Talent: Although they’re mostly known as the perpetrators of the most epically failed Kickstarter of all time, The Cabin Sisters can put together a cute enough little ditty.

6. Weston Cage
Child of: Nicolas Cage
Genre: Black metal
Band Name: Eyes of Noctum
Look: The gothest of goths
Sample lyric: “Thou may wilt on thine thorne of magnolia clouds as I burn in what you believe to be my damnation”
Talent: Weston has channeled his rage at being related to Nicolas Cage into tuneless expressions of Scandinavian angst and massive amounts of growling.

7. Chet Haze
Child of: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson
Genre: Rap (naturally)
Band Name: N/A
Look: Date rape chic
Sample lyric: “Do it to the fullest so bitches say I’m sleazy/But they just don’t understand that I just want them to please me”
Talent: Chet Haze’s music is the soundtrack to my existential crisis, and not in a good way.

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