Across the world, fans of Star Wars are refreshing their memories with marathons of the original trilogy and the new films to celebrate Star Wars Day. True gluttons for punishment and completionists (same thing) are also watching the prequel trilogy. If you’ve been following along on my Twitter account, you know that I am one of the latter. Your mileage may vary, but rewatching Episodes I, II, and III were tedious slogs made better by only two things: snark and a shocking reveal that the subtext here could be that Padme was totally cheating on Anakin with Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I mean, the evidence is right there staring you in the face, coloring everything that happens in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith into a fairly passable arc of love and revenge. Don’t believe me? Put on your ship-goggles and let’s go on a journey!
We’re skipping over The Phantom Menace because Padme is fourteen in that movie and Obi-Wan is probably in his early twenties and we want this to be romantic, not creepy as hell. Anakin already has that angle covered.
When Attack of the Clones opens, Senator Amidala arrives on Coruscant for a vote even though her life is in danger due to her political leanings. In order to ease her mind, it is suggested that “an old friend” be assigned to guard her person. Yet Anakin is giddy in the elevator because he hasn’t seen Padme in a decade. So who is this old friend? Her secret lover Obi-Wan, obviously. There is (currently) no canonical reference as to what Obi-Wan did in the ten years between the first two prequels. Sure he was training Anakin, but he was still a member of the Jedi Council. With Naboo being Palpatine”s home planet, surely there would have been times Obi-Wan had to travel.
Throughout Attack of the Clones, Obi-Wan behaves in a way that is either very gallant… or indicative of a man in love. When the assassin slugs come for Padme in her sleep, it isn’t Anakin that dives headfirst out of a window to catch the drone.