‘Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ recap: Is Brandi done with Lisa?

Guess what? Underneath Carlton’s kinky, Wiccan, sex-addicted, curse-a-riffic exterior lies a little mush ball of marshmallow goo! Or something. Anyway, this is more or less the take away from this week’s episode. After being schooled all season long in Carlton’s kink, her taste for painful tattoos and her hard-charging ways, we watch her dissolve like a soggy Kleenex while talking to Lisa about Kyle’s hurtful words. I’m still trying to make sense of Carlton, who strikes me as a walking ball of contradictions (she won’t hurt a fly, or a bee, or any living creature, but has no problem screaming hysterically at anyone who offends her). I think she’s fun, but I wouldn’t want to be opposite her in a knife fight, either. 

It turns out that Carlton is devastated, simply devastated that Kyle would call her an anti-Semite. She loves all people! She lived in South Africa! I know where she’s going with this argument, but the way it’s edited together, she seems thoroughly insane. Jews, black people, I love all minorities! I lived among them once! Not now, of course, but once! I hate Kyle, and she’s Jewish, but I don’t hate her because she’s Jewish! She just bugs me!

But even though it seemed we were going to spend a great deal of time dwelling on Carlton’s (admittedly tacky) dis-invitation of Kyle from her business party, and Lisa’s later (failed) attempt to broker some sort of peace, that wasn’t the real battle brewing in this episode. No, we discovered that Brandi is having doubts about Lisa. Not about whether it’s weird to let a little dog drink out of the good glassware, but whether or not Lisa is an evil mastermind who’s been playing Brandi like a foul-mouthed violin. Maybe in Brandi’s case, a bass violin. Because she’s tall. 

Anyway, Brandi first broaches the topic with Kim, and while they both agree they sometimes love Lisa, she’s a little scary, too. She’s not so scary that Kim hesitates to keep riding her and Ken for not coming to her kid’s graduation party, but scary. 

Brandi then moves on to Kyle. I would hesitate before I’d take my problems to Kyle, honestly. Kyle would love to steal Brandi away from Lisa, sure, but it’s a bit like declaring the kitchen too hot and then setting yourself on fire. In any case, Lisa feels Brandi’s pain. Brandi can’t understand why Lisa isn’t calling her every morning! It’s because she’s too busy calling Kyle! Oh no! Brandi can’t understand why Lisa would dump her for Kyle. Has she just been using her? Has she just been, gasp, Lisa’s puppet? Is Lisa Bobby Fischer? Is she the greatest chess master who ever lived? In a social kind of Beverly Hills way? Brandi feels Keyser Soze’d and it is an awful, awful feeling. 

Kyle, who is clearly loving every minute of Brandi’s true confessions, just shrugs. You have to forgive and forget with Lisa, plus you have to know what you’re getting into. Brandi nods and sighs. She doesn’t want to be on Lisa’s bad side. She isn’t prepared for that! I’m not sure Brandi is ready for that, either, in part because she had to Google Bobby Fischer in order to make the reference.

Meanwhile, Lisa is swanning around her house getting ready for a photo shoot, blissfully unaware that all of her former friends are quietly plotting against her, although I’m not sure we’re at the conscious plotting stage just yet. If Kyle has a game plan, she’s not revealing it just yet, and Brandi is going through the seven stages of grief (right now: shock and denial). 

Just in case we need bigger drama, Brandi decides to invite herself along on Joyce and Kyle’s trip to Puerto Rico. Brandi knows she and Joyce will never be besties, but she’s sure she can hold it together for a sweet vacation. Yeah, stop laughing. 

Do you think Brandi and Lisa’s friendship is over? Do you think Carlton will ever forgive Kyle? Do you think Brandi’s making a mistake going to Puerto Rico?