I’m still confused at what Danielle did on Wednesday (August 8) night’s “Big Brother.” It was either brilliant or stupid. Well, it wasn’t brilliant, I don’t suppose. But it needn’t necessarily have been stupid. But if we’re being honest, what are the chances that anything Danielle does in this game isn’t at least somewhat scatterbrained?
So Danielle and The Quack Pack made nice with Mike Boogie, at least somewhat, and seemingly targeted Janelle for eviction this week, though 21st Century William Katt Frank remains a candidate for eviction of Mike Boogie slips up and behaves suspiciously around the core alliance, which seems somehow unlikely given that once you’re willing to believe a word Mike Boogie says, you’ve pretty much committed to being his dupe.
Seriously. Who trusts Mike Boogie? About anything? At any time?
Click through to see if Mike Boogie gets his way, or if his bromance with Frank is put on ice…
9:01 p.m. ET. So are you a bigger fan of The Quack Pack or The Silent Six? Or do you want to make fun of both alliances?
9:03 p.m. And how disappointed were you by Ian’s time as House Dog? It seemed to be over in like one segment. That’s not nearly enough.
9:03 p.m. COVERED SHOULDERS from Julie Chen. And no, I have no idea why I care about this.
9:04 p.m. We pick up in the aftermath of Janelle’s makeup-free blindside. “She wasn’t even on my radar and now she definitely is,” says Amazon Barbie. Wil, taken off the block, sings a happy song, pledges his love to Danielle and vows to bake a cherry cake. And Mike Boogie is proud of himself for taking over Danielle’s Head of Household.
9:05 p.m. To Janelle, Danielle swears that people have said that she was coming after her. Danielle almost finds tears as part of a very solid performance. Janelle believes Danielle’s blank-eyed stare of confusion and how can you not? It’s what she does best. “Danielle has graduated from The Big Brother School of Dan,” Dan says with disproportionate pleasure. “You’re about to get one of the best players to never win this game out of the house,” Dan tells Danielle, before going to Janelle and blaming Danielle’s decision on “girl insight.” Janelle’s confusion is total and she repeats her contention that if she’d known she was going up, she’d have put on makeup. “All I need is five votes,” says a proud and determined Janelle. Wil and The Giant Red Screaming Tomato vow that they’re with her. Jenn indicates the same and Britney gives her an “Yeah, for sure.” “It would be dumb to keep Frank over me,” Janelle tells Britney, reminding her that sticking with the Coaches might be smart. Suddenly, Britney is crying and blubbering and unwilling to lie to Janelle’s face. I love Britney to death. She’s hot and she’s expertly sarcastic, but when did she become so easily snowed? “I know I’m being like a baby, but it makes me feel bad…” Britney bawls.
9:14 p.m. Ew! Julie Chen calls Ian and Ashley “a real ‘Big Bang’ Twosome.” Come on. I know CBS airs “Big Brother” and “The Big Bang Theory,” but we don’t actually need to pretend that anything real is happening with Ian and Ashley, do we? I mean, I’m much more convinced by Shane and Danielle’s icky “Kisses-for-game-favors” showmance.
9:17 p.m. Let’s check in on the hamsters. With very little prodding, Frank and his Spiritard do a cheer for his homegirl Julie. Mike Boogie is feeling better about being back in the game. “I’m just gonna live on a prayer, baby,” Jenn says. I don’t understand Jenn.
9:19 p.m. Whew! A tribute to Ian’s time as House Dog! And I was so worried! “Still loving it. It’s absolutely amazing,” Ian insists.
9:20 p.m. Ashley and Ian grew up only 30 minutes apart. And now they have a connection. Allegedly. Sharon, Ian’s mom, talks about watching “Big Brother” with him since he was 10. Yes. We’re all VERY old. “They people in the house, they’re scared of him,” Sharon worries. Ian, it turns out, knows all of the elements in the Periodic Table and calculus and other brainy stuff. “Ian has never had a very serious girlfriend,” Sharon says, noting that her son wants a cute girlfriend with brains. Barbara, Ashley’s mom, insists that her daughter isn’t as dumb as we think — and as evidence shows — that she is. “I thought the Slop Date was very cute,” Barbara says. “Ashley likes good-looking hunks, but they don’t treat her like Ian would treat her,” Barbara says, advising her daughter to get into a Final Two deal with Ashley. “They are the true-life Leonard and Penny from ‘Big Bang Theory,'” Barbara says, successfully walking the company line.
9:27 p.m. I love that “unemployed super-fan” is an occupation on “Big Brother.”
9:27 p.m. Time for case-pleading. Frank, in corny Frank style, says he’s played the game with class. His advice before voting? “Keep it classy,” Frank says. “You sound like Ron Bergundy,” Julie Chen responds. Nice reference, ChenBot! Janelle says that she should be kept if they think she can help their game. That’s not gonna be enough, is it?
9:28 p.m. Mike Boogie votes to evict Janelle. Jenn votes to evict Janelle. Screaming Red Tomato Joe votes to Evict Frank, because nobody wants to let Screaming Red Tomato Joe in on strategy. Wil votes to evict Janelle.
9:34 p.m. OK. Come on. Why delay this? Let’s get rid of Janelle!
9:34 p.m. Ashley votes to evict “tulips.” Oh. Wait. Janelle. Britney sucks it up and votes to evict her personal favorite in “Big Brother” history. Wow. She likes Frank that much? Oh. Wait. Janelle. Shane and Dan also vote to evict Janelle. Ian votes to evict “potassium.” Errr… Janelle.
9:36 p.m. That’s it, folks… By a vote of 8-to-One-Clueless-ScreamingTomato, Janelle is out. She’s very composed. Disappointingly so. I also swear she hugged Joe three or four times in that sea of hugs.
9:37 p.m. The crowd welcomes Janelle with enthusiasm. And who can blame them? She’s just become the first three-time loser in “Big Brother” history, right? Julie Chen praises her for keeping it classy. “I think everyone wanted to backdoor me,” Janelle says, looking rather miserable. Why did Janelle hit the reset button? “Because I wanted to play,” she says simply. Janelle is still scared of Frank, but she says that other people are scared of him as well. “I didn’t want to throw Wil and Joe under the bus,” the semi-catatonic Janelle says of protecting her former underlings. Does she think Mike Boogie can go all the way to the end? “I think the target on him his too big for him to win this game again,” says Janelle, who’s rooting for Dan.
9:41 p.m. Dan explains that there was nothing he could do. Britney apologizes and says she’s sad to have been part of the whole plan. Screaming Tomato vows to avenge the eviction. “Don’t be mad at the people who voted you out, this one was all me,” Mike Boogie crows. “He’s such a loser,” Janelle says, before teaching us that you can’t actually say “douchebag” on live CBS. Janelle’s gracious final words: “Screw you, Mike Boogie.”
9:45 p.m. Lots of people seem sad that Janelle is gone. I don’t get that. Yes, Janelle has been an entertaining player at times, but her heart clearly wasn’t entirely in it this season. Real Janelle never would have allowed herself to get backdoored in such an embarrassing fashion. Farewell, Stepford Janelle.
9:47 p.m. Head of Household Competition Time.
9:47 p.m. The game is Big Brother Battle of the Bands. Players go head-to-head and listen to songs related to competitions from this season and they have to identify what type of challenge they relate to. Wil knocks Jenn out. Mike Boogie knocks out The Screaming Tomato. Ashley knocks Wil out, but Ashley doesn’t understand the structure of the competition, producing an awkward moment where everybody tries telling her what to do. Britney knocks Shane out. In a battle of faux lovebirds, Ian takes Ashley out. Britney knocks Dan out. Mike Boogie eliminates himself and Frank advances. In a stunning upset, it’s Britney over Ian.
9:53 p.m. It’d down to Frank and Britney. This is a huge one. And FRANK wins HoH. Oh, “Big Brother” with your topsy-turvy twists of fate.
9:57 p.m. “It’s exhilarating, Jules,” gushes Frank of his regained power.
Are you going to miss Janelle? Are you annoyed that Frank is back in power? Do you care?