Recap: ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Performances – The Finals

Yay, it”s almost time for us to frantically vote for the season twelve champion! So far, everyone and their dogs (and some dogs, too) seem to be rooting for Hines, but I remain unconvinced. Yes, athletes always seem to win. Yes, Hines is cuddly as a teddy bear and has an equally heartwarming personal story. Yes, Kym deserves the sympathy vote for coming the closest to ending up in a wheelchair. But I”m still giving Chelsea the leg up for one simple reason – she”s just the best dancer. And, saying that, she”ll probably screw up royally tonight. So let the games begin!

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas
A judge will be dropping by rehearsal to give each of the celebrities pointers. Carrie Ann is Chelsea”s judge. She wants to see Chelsea”s samba with less perkiness and more sexiness. I agree – Chelsea is adorable, but the samba is not a Disney dance unless a parrot and some cockatiels are doing it while singing and wearing little hats.  
Chelsea whips out the spangles and hits the floor. There are definitely a few moments when her shoulders are tighter than I”d like, and it seems like most of the “added sex appeal” is being shown through her pout instead of her upper body. But that being said, it”s still a great dance. So far, so good!
Len admits to being Chelsea”s stalker through the lyrics of a Police song. He”s just kidding… I think. He didn”t love the flaying arms, but he thought it was well-done. Bruno thinks Chelsea is a sexy bombshell. Is it even physically possible for Bruno to give a critique while sitting down? Carrie Ann thought she went the extra mile and it paid off.
While we”re on a commercial break, I have a question — is anyone else waking up with the “DWTS” theme song rattling around in their head? I found myself actually humming it at the grocery store the other day and had to stop my cart to focus on the ’80s song being piped over the store PA system to flush it out.
Oh, we”re back. Chelsea was happy to get Carrie Ann”s advice on sexy dancing. There are some things only a woman can tell you about dancing the samba. There is a joke here and I do not want to tell it.
Carrie Ann: 10 Len: 9 Bruno: 10 for a total of 29 out of 30.
Kirstie Alley and Maks Chmerkovsky
Bruno is dropping by rehearsal because he has some advice for Kirstie Alley”s samba. He needs her to take her moment. Kirstie has not been taking the moment! Funny, I thought Kirstie always took the moment.
Look, I give Kirstie a lot of credit. She lost an entire fifth grader in weight during the course of the season. She”s 60 years old. None of this was easy for her, I”m sure. But at this point in the competition, the difference between her performances and those of Chelsea and Hines is pretty glaring. In this dance, she doesn”t seem to be completely on beat. She”s languid and sexy, but almost limp at points. And what”s on the floor that she can”t stop staring at? There”s a tentativeness to the dance that makes it feel as if she”d never done it before. There”s no snap to this, even when Maks pulls her in.