The big birthday bash for Mauricio in Lanai, Hawaii continues, and even though it should be a pretty fabulous trip, Kyle and Kim seem damned and determined to turn it into an unhappy family reunion that only needs an uncooked turkey and a Jell-O wrestling match to qualify as the most miserable outing Mauricio could have hoped for. Good going, guys!
Kim and Gorilla Ken (hey, there are two Kens on the show, gotta keep ’em straight) finally show up for Mauricio’s dinner after multiple missed flights and an increasingly bizarre web of lies that seem constructed solely to make Kyle crazy. The reason they’re so late? Ken had to WORK! He’s retired, yes, but he works one day a week. This is also a lie, as Kim doesn’t want to explain the driver’s license/passport debacle, even though she already has, at least in part, but okay. Still, Mauricio wants an explanation. In front of everyone, he asks Ken what the hell is going on. Ken jitters like a junkie kicking heroin, while Kim sticks to her story. Kyle calls B.S., but Kim doesn’t care. What does it matter? This is actually a valid question, as Kyle KNOWS this about her sister. Kim can’t be trusted to show up on time under any circumstances, so I don’t know what magic Kyle thinks Hawaii will exert over her. I mean, great place, but it’s not really the island on “Lost.”
For one brief moment, the conversation turns to Taylor’s divorce. Paul thinks she and Russell will be back together in two weeks, but Lisa’s Ken (Normal Ken? He needs a better nickname, really) thinks it’s the real deal. There is much discussion about whether or not Taylor is full of it, but finally Paul has the common sense to get off the gossip train by proposing a toast to his lovely wife, as he really wants to get lucky. At first, Adrienne gives him an air peck, but when everyone teases her for it, she slips Paul some tongue in a display that probably isn’t really appropriate for the dinner table. Brandi thinks Paul and Adrienne are “freaks and get it on like Donkey Kong with other chicks and dudes,” which is a crass but entertaining way to say she thinks they’re swingers. I’m not surprised that Brandi has become a part of the gang while Dana has not, as Brandi is just more fun, even if she really needs to eat something.
Suddenly, we’re back on the Kim and Gorilla Ken issue. Kyle tells Lisa she can’t handle the lying. Lisa suggests she just calm down and not cry at the table. Mauricio reveals that for his birthday, he wants to make a toast to the truth, hint hint. He’s all about being true, hint hint. Kim is sick of everyone harping on her tardiness. But Kyle wants to talk about it! Mauricio wants Kim to fess up! Kim says there’s nothing to fess up! But Mauricio, who is clearly enabling Kyle on her obsessive downward spiral, says Kim owes it to herself! He says that her being 36 hours late and then flat out lying about it makes it hard for anyone to have fun. Actually, Mauricio, you and Kyle are deciding to make this a huge issue and not have fun. In fact, no one’s having fun because you’re making them all so uncomfortable. Kim and Gorilla Ken actually seem somewhat unfazed, because THEY DON’T CARE. Why Kyle invited them in the first place, well, I have no idea.
The next day, it’s another fun outing to celebrate Mauricio’s birthday. They’re going to take a catamaran to an ideal snorkeling spot. What could spoil this? Oh, yes, Kim and Gorilla Ken could! Everyone waits for Kim and Gorilla Ken for twenty minutes. The little tram could just leave, but no, Kyle and Lisa have to go bang on Kim and Gorilla Ken’s door and climb onto their balcony. JUST LEAVE, Kyle! But no, they bang on the door some more. Kim finally opens the door. Kim can’t find the bottom to her swimsuit. They just woke up, probably because of all the banging. Kyle can’t believe this. Seriously? She didn’t expect it?
Finally, Kyle decides to ditch Kim and Gorilla Ken and get to the boat. Yay! For one brief, shining moment, logic prevails!
Kim says she’s a Virgo and is usually very prompt. Thy didn’t get their wake-up call! Yes, that’s it. No one ordered a wake-up call, but no problem. Still, Gorilla Ken and Kim saunter downstairs and order an SUV to take them to the marina. Gorilla Ken and Kim are shocked to see the boat leaving without them! Kyle wants to turn the boat around, but thankfully the captain isn’t okay with this entirely boneheaded suggestion. Kim and Gorilla Ken don’t care anyway. They want to go back to the hotel to rest. Because they haven’t been doing that?
Still, Kyle is racked with guilt, and Lisa tells her to snap out of it. While Kyle agonizes over leaving Kim behind as if she’d left her on the deck of the Titanic, Kim and Gorilla Ken happily eat lunch and bond. I think there’s a lesson for Kyle here, and that is YOU are the only one who cares and YOU are the only one who’s miserable!
Finally, Kyle snaps out of it long enough to go snorkeling and everyone has a lovely time. I hope they all enjoy it, because it’s only a matter of time before the tiresome Kim vs. Kyle battle continues, and once that starts no one’s going to be having fun again for a long time.
Back at the hotel, Kim tells Gorilla Ken that she isn’t bothered by Kyle’s intrusiveness. Gorilla Ken is. He’s not going to stand for anyone attacking her. He demands respect! I think Gorilla Ken is used to demanding respect with a small handgun or a sock filled with bars of soap, so I’m a little worried.
Whoa, it’s a Taylor storyline! Her only friend who isn’t in Hawaii is Dana. Poor Taylor. Taylor’s chef makes them lunch, to which I say, make some damn PB&J Taylor, you need to save your money! Dana assures Taylor that she believes her. Taylor tells Dana she can’t hold it in anymore. Taylor doesn’t feel her friends aren’t standing up for her. Dana tells her they just wanted Russell to be gone. She assures Taylor they’ll come around soon. Dana thinks Taylor is going to blossom! I think Taylor is still talking in circles about Russell and these scenes are tiresome because we all know how the story ends, but I’m sure Dana is just thrilled to be getting a fragment of screen time.
Back in Hawaii, the gang comes back from the boat and it’s time for yet another fabulous dinner for Mauricio. Lisa asks Kim and Gorilla Ken about their day. Kim says they had a perfect day. Everything happens for a reason! Lisa thinks what Kim considers a lucky accident (missing the boat) is just Kim being rude. When hasn’t Kim been rude this season? When she does show up to an event, she usually picks a fight with someone, so I’d say she’s batting .000 thus far.
Paul, Adrienne and Ken talk to Kim about Gorilla Ken. Unfortunately, Gorilla Ken hears a fragment of this and decides that Paul is talking smack about him. Gorilla Ken gets in Paul’s face. Uh-oh. Paul has to quickly explain they were actually complimenting him (not really) and not saying anything negative (true). Gorilla Ken calms down. I’m comforted knowing he probably couldn’t sneak a gun onto the plane to Hawaii.
At the dinner, Kyle toasts everyone, so it seems like it’s going to be a pleasant evening. Au contraire! Kyle asks Kim how her day as. Kim tells Kyle she and Gorilla Ken had a GREAT day! Without everyone! Wrong answer. Kyle thinks Kim’s missed out on everything. Kim doesn’t. Brandi thinks Kyle should call Kim on her B.S., and I think Brandi’s going to get her wish.
Kyle asks about the flight AGAIN. Kim kept people waiting and waiting and waiting! Kim thinks Kyle drives around on her cell phone! What? I’m not even sure what they’re fighting about at this point, but they’re full-on yelling and I think everyone else at the table is wondering if it would be awkward if they set down their napkins and sneaked out. Kyle tells Kim they’re not going to drop the flight issue! Even if everyone is very, very uncomfortable! Gorilla Ken doesn’t care what Kyle thinks. He’s tired of the whole thing. Kyle blinks rapidly at this. Kim thinks it’s time to go. Kyle will not be ignored! And then, she is ignored. Kim and Gorilla Ken seem perfectly comfortable with that option — and Kyle’s the only one freaked out and distraught. Again.
Even with Kim and Gorilla Ken gone, Kyle has to harp on their lateness. Lisa tries to convince Kyle that Kim is who she is. Kyle hates that Kim makes her the bad guy! No one thinks Kyle is the bad guy, though I suspect they think she needs to let it go and maybe consider a Paxil prescription. Brandi thinks Kim has a substance abuse problem and is crying out for help. Kyle cries. Lisa tells Kyle she isn’t going to win this battle. Kyle can’t ignore the elephant in the room! Kyle really, really needs to try before she has a stroke. Kyle thinks Kim and Gorilla Ken have RUINED Mauricio’s birthday trip, but I’d argue the person yelling (Kyle), shrieking (Kyle) and stressing out (Kyle) is really more to blame. Not that Kim and Gorilla Ken should be forgiven — but Kyle could have easily seen it coming and planned accordingly. And gotten that Paxil prescription. Just saying.
Next week, Cedric shows up, Taylor has a black eye and Adrienne tells Taylor she needs to apologize to Camille. I’ve appreciated these two weeks of almost Taylor-free storylines, but I guess the sad Armstrong business needs to be resolved one way or the other.
Do you think Kyle overreacted? Do you think Kim needs to apologize? And what did you think of Ken’s moment with Paul?