Recap: ‘The Vampire Diaries’ – ‘The Last Day’

Elijah tries to sell the Scooby Gang on the idea of killing Klaus during his transition. Damon would rather kill him now! With Bonnie! Yeah, yeah, it”ll kill her, but he”ll write her an awesome eulogy, jeez. That Damon, so thoughtful. Anyway, Elijah gives us the play-by-play on how Klaus intends to get his wolf on. First, he”ll release the spell in the moonstone, then sacrifice a werewolf and a vampire, and finally drink the blood of the doppelganger to the point of her death. And Elijah”s plan? He”ll let Klaus do all that, then he”ll bring Elena back to life with some potion he”s been holding onto for the last 500 years. Um, okay, that does not sound like a great plan to me. Unsurprisingly, Damon isn”t impressed, either. Oh, and John”s rings won”t work on Elena, as she”s supernatural. So, gotta let Elena die. Stefan seems really okay with this, as he”s the perfect boyfriend. His girlfriend wants to do something crazy, as in let a vampire drain her like a kosher chicken, and he just wants to be supportive. Stefan, you”re so sensitive Clay Aiken would kick your butt.

 

Tyler”s mom calls her son and begs for him to come home. She”s had a terrible fall and she”s in the hospital. Except she hasn”t had a terrible fall. Yet. She”s being compelled and one of Klaus” witchy guys compels her right down the stairs. Boy, being a parent on this show is just not a good gig.

 

Time for a Damon and Stefan fight! Damon tells Stefan he”s an idiot for putting his faith in Elijah”s plan. But it”s what Elena wants! Stefan, seriously, man up. Damon points out that Elena is going to be dead if she gets what she wants. Stefan blathers on about trust and history and blah blah blah but I”m with Damon. Even if Elijah comes through, this plan is about as smart as buying a ticket to a Charlie Sheen concert.  

 

Elijah, who is such a proper gentleman when he isn”t trying to kill anyone, tells Elena the potion may not work. Elena says she knows the risk she”s taking. Elena is so brave! Elena is also way too blasé about being dead, if you ask me.

 

Alaric drops by and Jenna aims a crossbow at him. Which, if my boyfriend had been lying about his not-so-dead wife and then let some vampire inhabit his body, I”d be tempted to do, too. Jenna finally drops the crossbow, as Elena and the boys pop out and there are just too many witnesses. This is a good thing, because Alaric stopped in to relay a message: the sacrifice happens tonight. Oh, that Klaus, he”s so polite! It”s sort of like how the prison system lets serial killers have a fancy last meal before they get pumped full of lethal injection sauce. I wonder if Klaus has an appeals process.

 

As requested, Tyler comes back to visit his mom, who is now, conveniently, in the hospital. Oddly, even after getting compelled down a flight of stairs, she doesn”t appear to have broken anything or even bruised herself. Maybe she just checked into the hospital because she likes the food.

 

Caroline visits Matt. He”s all lovey dovey with her, but it”s just an act. Matt”s gathering intel for Caroline”s mom, the sheriff. Matt doesn”t understand how she can be a vampire. She seems so nice! No, the sheriff tells him. She”s pure evil, without a soul! Except she”s still her baby girl! Um, you really can”t have it both ways, lady.

 

Elena tells Damon she needs to him understand what she”s doing. Really? Because his opinion has mattered so much to her up to this point? Mostly Damon seems to point out logical misgivings which she sniffs at and rejects utterly. I don”t think she”s going to sell Damon on her death wish this time, either. But it”s her life! Well, sort of, because Damon decides he might as well force her to live by making her drink his blood.  

Stefan bursts into the room and he is SO not happy about this! His girlfriend”s a vampire now, aak! I have to think Stefan is secretly thrilled, but that would be a violation of Wussy Boyfriend Rules, so he acts SUPER mad. Vamp fight! Damon stabs Stefan with… something. Seriously, everything”s moving so fast and you know how vamps are with their dim lighting. Anyway, Jenna and Alaric come to the rescue and Elena pulls out the offending thingy.

 

Damon wanders off to pout. Elijah, who has apparently been standing around with nothing to do while the Salvatore brothers scream and yell, informs Damon that he was an idiot to give Elena vampire blood, as she”ll never forgive him. Damon glowers.

 

Meanwhile, Jenna and Alaric make up. She forgives him, blah blah blah. There are so many more interesting things going on, so let”s just move along.

Stefan is so sorry Elena is a vampire now (although you know he”s a little psyched). He wants her to talk to him! She can”t! Elena, talk, real men are never interested in how women are feeling, especially if there”s a baseball game on. Anyway, Stefan needs to take Elena somewhere. She can”t! C”mon, Elena, Klaus will find you if he needs you.

 

Jules collects Tyler at the hospital. She can”t believe he did a boneheaded thing like visiting his mother, jeez! Caroline, of course, bumps into them. Caroline, who”s been sucking face with Matt, is instantly irrationally jealous. Are you, like, friends and stuff with Jules? Like, she”s pretty and why don”t YOU LOVE ME? Tyler wisely decides he”s had enough crazy and tries to take off. Caroline can”t understand! How can he be leaving again? Really? I”d think her first inclination to ask him what Jules means to him when she hasn”t seen him in months might be her first clue. But before they can have an awkward conversation about feelings, Klaus” minions grab ’em.

 

Damon goes to the Grill to drink away his sorrows. Alaric joins him. Klaus says hi. Damon asks for a one month extension on the ritual, like Klaus is a loan shark or a mortage lending company. Klaus is not interested in giving an extension. Don”t screw up my ritual, Damon! Or, you know, I”ll kill you and stuff!

 

Damon decides to ignore Klaus” helpful suggestion. He asks Alaric if maybe Elena would like him again if he stole Klaus” werewolf. Alaric tells him he”ll be dead, so he”ll never know. So, logically, Alaric agrees to help out. Alaric is such a good friend. I don”t even think Damon is compelling him, he”s just that stupid.

 

Stefan takes Elena to a pretty waterfall. This was where she had to go? If this is her last day as a human, I”d suggest Paris or a nice beach, but no, she has to slog up a damn hill next to a water feature that will make her want to go to the bathroom. This is where she can talk about her feelings! Like needing to go to the bathroom! But she can”t talk about her feelings! This is like the world”s worst therapy session.

 

Damon and Alaric pay Katherine a visit. Damon wants to know where the werewolf is. Katherine isn”t saying, as she”s not the vampire on the chopping block – Caroline is. No way will she reveal Klaus” plan, as defying Klaus will get Damon killed! And her killed! And lots of people killed! So Damon tells her, well, Elena has vampire blood in her system now. Katherine glowers and tells Damon that Klaus has Caroline and Tyler in the tomb. Well, that was easy.

 

Elena thinks about life as a vampire. She needs a daylight ring. And she”ll never be able to watch “Bambi” again. I would be worrying about other things, but okay. Elena wants Stefan to tell her about vampire life. He explains that everything is a little better and a little worse as a vampire. It sounds like being bipolar, with the added bonus of drinking blood. Yay?

 

Klaus comes home to Katherine. He”s suspicious that she”s shaken off his compelling, so makes her stand in the sunlight to test her. Katherine stands there and burns, because she”s just that tough.

 

Meanwhile, Damon goes to the tomb and bumps into Klaus” mean witch. They start a good vamp/witch fight, which Damon appears to be losing until Matt pops up out of nowhere and shoots the witch with a rifle loaded with wooden bullets. He”s there to rescue Caroline! Damon pops him one and knocks him out. He doesn”t need no stinkin” sidekick!

 

To pass the time in the tomb, Caroline explains the whole Klaus thing to Tyler. But that”s not enough for Chatty Caroline! Caroline needs to understand why Tyler left! Really, Caroline? Does it matter now? Tyler tells her she deserved better than him. OMG, that is so “it”s not you, it”s me.”

 

Anyway, Damon rescues Caroline. But Caroline won”t leave without Tyler! Damon, being a big marshmallow bunny, releases Tyler, too. At the entrance, they pick up Matt and go hippety-hoppety through the woods.

Stefan and Elena finally climb to the top of the waterfall. Now she can say what she”s been afraid to say! What, because he won”t let her use a bathroom until she does? Stefan admits he has always wanted her to be a vampire. He loves her! Damon loves her! Elena doesn”t know what love is! She wanted to have choices! She doesn”t want to be a vampire and she never did! She”s just seventeen! Elena, your ass will never look this good again. Don”t get so fired up about the joys of getting old.

 

Klaus drops by to pick up Elena. It”s all very civil. Stefan tells Klaus, no, no! Elena says she must! So, Stefan lets her go. Instead of telling him to grow a pair, Elena kisses Stefan. She asks him to close his eyes. Then, she”s gone. This would be very moving if Stefan weren”t so whipped.

 

Stefan calls Damon to share his heartbreak. Damon tells him he”s freed the vamp and the wolf, yay! Except oops, Elena”s gone. Tyler starts changing into a wolf. He attacks Damon. Damon tells Matt and Caroline to get to the Lockwood cellar in a hurry. That Damon, always looking out for everyone. Unless he tries to kill them, he”s a regular Boy Scout.

 

Damon drops in to tell Klaus he”ll have to postpone his ritual since he killed his manwitch and took his sacrifices. Klaus shows Damon video of Jules in the tomb. Of course Klaus has a back-up! And his back-up vampire is, we”re assuming, Damon. Eeek!

 

Tyler turns into a pretty black doggy and growls at Matt and Caroline, who have locked themselves behind a gate in the cellar. Well, this is going to be a long night for Matt.

 

In the woods, Luka”s sister leads Elena to the sacrifice center. Jenna is there and looks dead! But she”s not – she”s in transition. Wha? Damon is at Klaus” apartment, where Katherine reveals she saved his life by calling another candidate to be the vampire victim. Which, I guess, is Jenna. Well, okay. I mean, if I had to recruit someone to get offed, I”d pick Jenna, too, as she just seems to whine a lot and occasionally grab bags of blood when needed.

 

But then, Katherine notes that Damon has a werewolf bite. Nonononononono! We”ve seen what that does to vampires. I am not down with the idea of Damon getting vampire Alzheimer”s and dying a grisly death! Tyler, you dumbass!

 

So, in summary, Klaus is on track to complete his ritual (although I guess Elena”s vampire status will throw a wrench into things), Jenna and Elena are going to be vampires, Jules may be toast and Damon is wolf bitten. I need to lie down, this is just way too much for one episode. Could someone please kick Klaus” ass, because he”s ruining everything!