Survival tips from Ke$ha, who drank her own pee on camera

On last night’s episode of MTV’s “My Crazy Beautiful Life,” glow-in-the-dark stick-on star Ke$ha surprised even herself by peeing into a bottle and then drinking down her own urine. She did this inside a moving vehicle, in front of a camera crew, some lady friends, and a nervous British guy who had surely never seen such uncouth behavior on the other side of the pond. However? Drinking your own pee has long been a tip touted by survivalists and weirdos who think it gives you longevity, whiter teeth, and something to blog about — and my theory is that the gal was just trying to make it through the day and then the night and then a hungover dawn. With that in mind, here are more of Ke$ha’s survival tips.

1. Know how to tie a good knot. A knot can help you carry supplies, save someone from drowning, and keep your friend who’s tripping on angel dust tied to a tree until he calms down. I learned to tie knots by practicing on my own hair day after day. And now my knots are so good, I have to hire ten tiny Japanese children to finger-comb them out once a week.

2. Stock up on all the dopest Band-Aids. You never know when you might need a Band-Aid to cover a wound or use as a nipple pastie, so I recommend keeping a selection of fun ones with you at all times. Currently, there are Transformers Band-Aids, Dora the Explorer Band-Aids, and I’m even in talks to develop my own Ke$ha-branded bandages that are coated with antiseptic tequila.

3. Make a flotation device from an unopened tampon. Dip a tampon in water and watch it expand until it has the appearance of a drowned rat. The resulting device will probably be too small to actually float you anywhere, but playing with the wet tampon will definitely bring you minutes of amusement. And a brand new pet drowned rat.

4. Start a fire. Start a fire with one of the Bic lighters inside your pocket!

5. Eat your own teeth. When you’re all out of urine, you can find more nourishment in other things that are already inside your body. Like your own teeth, which are bound to have flecks of Hot Cheetos and gummy candy still stuck inside them. Plus, West Virginia-chic is a great look that is totally in these days.