Not adventurous for enough Six Flags? Too wholesome for Disneyland? Well, put that sunscreen and grab your hats anyway, kids. Because we’re off to stand in line for three hours to learn about some Bible stuff.
On the spectrum of unfun-sounding theme parks, “Noah’s Ark Encounter” falls somewhere between Shtetland and Math Class Adventuretown. The project has been proposed for construction by the super controversial Creation Museum of Petersburg, Kentucky, an institution that officially believes Adam and Eve coexisted with dinosaurs. The museum needs to raise $150 million in order to build the park, which is many more dollars than years-ago that dinosaurs lived, according to the museum.
The centerpiece of the proposed theme park is an enormous wooden ark meant to replicate the one built by Noah. The intent is to prove the plausibility of such a boat actually having been constructed by the bearded guy with all the animals to escape God’s attempt to destroy the world with a flood. If that doesn’t sound like a super exciting attraction, just wait — there’s more! The theme park also plans to build a Tower of Babel and a Ten Plagues ride, which is sure to be full of adorable animatronic locusts. And of course, the park will have a gift shop, where you will presumably be able to get your favorite Commandment needlepointed onto a hat.
For example, “Thou shalt not have fun, ever.”
If you’re curious, you can check out the park’s website, which is full of construction plans and spooky videos narrated by God Himself.