These Terrible Names People Gave Their Kids Will Make You Glad For Your Own Parents’ Common Sense

Every now and then, you hear a new story about an incident not terribly out of the ordinary, that goes viral because of the subject’s unusual sounding name. But for every Phuc Kieu, Crystal Methven, or Crystal Metheney we hear about, what about all of those people out there named for expletives, drugs, inanimate objects, or otherwise phonetically-challenged disasters just living their lives, not committing acts that are hilariously ironic due to their unfortunate monikers?

Such was the subject of today’s AskReddit, in which someone posed the question: “What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard of someone naming their kid?” Here are the worst of the worst, and they will definitely make you feel better about having a middle name like “Hortensia.”


I knew a woman with 6 kids (2 boys, 4 girls) ALL named after cars. Honda, Mercedes, Kia, Lexus, Cadillac, and Corolla.


A former classmate married into the name Bridges. She named her daughter Londyn. So her kid’s name is Londyn Bridges.


A friend of mine worked as a pediatric nurse. She told me of a girl named Honasty. (pronounced Honesty) Can’t imagine the mispronunciation and ridicule this poor girl will receive.


My aunt teaches a kid named Jericho NightWolf. I think it’s pretty awesome though.


One of the students in my dorm was named Colon.


Mango. They called their f*cking kid Mango.


Alucard….Dracula spelled backwards


I worked with a girl named Air-wrecka, pronounced as Erica. Her mom had her when she was only 15 and dropped out of 8th grade. She hated her name so much and was convinced that employers were not taking her seriously. She had her name legally changed to Erica last year and she’s now the supervisor of her department store.


She pronounced it LU-Kah-ME-ah.


My cousin’s best friend is named Ody which I thought was random until I found out his full name was Odysseus. At first I thought it was ridiculous but I am sort of jealous….


Beowulf. The kid must be about 4 years old now.


My friend who works for Social Security came across the name “Quistina” like “Christina” said with a lisp.


My girlfriend is named Patience after the Guns n’ Roses song. I’m the only one who still goes “Just have… Patience” if she wants something. She has almost hit me several times.

Well, with any luck, Patience is out there, somewhere, reading this… and realizing that things could be much, much worse. Like at least she was probably born before “The Spaghetti Incident?”

(Via Reddit)