Penn State Update: Mike McQueary Is Testifying Like Ralph Wiggum

It’s still not fun to make light of the Penn State abuse scandal (especially in the wake of ESPN’s horrifying HANDS OFF cover), and TMZ’s latest updates on what’s being said during Mike McQueary’s preliminary hearing testimony won’t make it any easier.

McQueary says he peeked into the shower and personally saw Jerry and the boy naked in the shower together — with Jerry grabbing the boy’s waist from behind, while the boy was facing the wall.

McQueary says he peeked in the shower several times — and by the last time, they had separated. But McQueary told the court, “I know they saw me. They looked directly in my eye, both of them.”

The next thing he said was, “Seeing that they were separated, I thought it was best that I leave the locker room”, meaning the first and most logical follow-up question should’ve been, “at no point did you consider saying HEY GUYS WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE and pending the boy pointing out a 60-year old’s hands on his waist, possibly punching an old child molester in the face?”

The second follow-up question should’ve been, “so are you just quoting The Simpsons, or what”.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

TMZ is doing opportunistic SHOCKING CAPS updates about this all day, so if you’re interested in following along, you can check that out. Personally, I’m not interested in finding out what Jerry Sandusky’s cat’s breath smells like.