Technology

The ‘Futurama’ Inventions That Need To Exist In The Very Near Future

In its seven seasons on the air (or nine, depending on how you count the Comedy Central years), Futurama has given us several fantastic inventions, offering us a picture of the whimsy of 31st Century Life. Now, let’s look at nine of those products that would either be practical or just really interesting in the real world. if you ever wanted to smell distant objects, or nosh on some Bachelor Chow, this is for you.

The Eyephone

Come on, we all know smartphones would be a lot cooler if they were attached directly to your eyeballs. Eliminate the middle man! Make that technology a reality, and I’ll be the first one saying “shut up, and take my money!”

Bachelor Chow

For the single man who thinks ramen noodles are just too classy, there’s Bachelor Chow: Now With Flavor! Or at the very least, there really should be. Surely there’s some purveyor of discount slop who can bring this 31st century dog-food-for-bachelors to life. Let’s get on that!

Project Satan

As you may recall, Project Satan was a military project made from:

  • Steering wheel from Hitler’s staff car
  • Left Turn signal from Charles Manson’s Volkswagen
  • Windshield Wipers from the car that played Knight Rider (KITT)
  • Ed Begley’s electric motor, the most evil propulsion system ever conceived

Okay, so…aren’t all of those things readily available? Any reason we couldn’t start putting this fascinating automotive monster together as soon as tomorrow?

Holophonor

In the year 3000, only a few people in the world can play this instrument (and they’re not very good), but I, for one, would love to give it a shot. While the replica that emerged last year was undeniably impressive, I think we need to work towards developing the real thing!

Smelloscope

If a dog craps anywhere in the universe, you can’t bet Professor Farnsworth won’t be out of the loop! And I don’t want to be either. Denver had used a similar object to detect marijuana smoke, but that smelloscope lacks the grand smelling capabilities of the Professor’s grand vision. Until I can smell Uranus (or Urectum), nothing else will be satisfactory!

The Transport Tubes

Who hasn’t seen the opening scene, in which the citizens of New York rocket through the sky in those glorious tubes and thought “I want to do that”? It would make transportation easier, and it would just be really, really fun, with your commute to work feeling more like an amusement park ride. We may be getting close to actually having this. Fingers crossed, people!

Slurm

In one episode, Fry became so addicted to Slurm that he would rather drink it than save Leela and Bender’s lives. In another, he drinks so much from the vending machine that he literally turns green and glows in the dark. Clearly, there’s something truly magical about this Slurm product, and we all need it in our lives.

The Head Museum

In this case, the technology may not be feasible. But still, who doesn’t dream about stopping over at the head museum and chatting up George Washington and the cast of Star Trek? I say we get every scientist we have on the job of trying to paying to head museum a reality!

Robot Santa

Let’s be honest, kids have it way too easy today, with just about everyone getting on the nice list! We need a brutal Santa to get jolly on their naughty asses! And hey, it’s not like he’s completely merciless; he did give Zoidberg a pogo stick.

Ho… Ho… Ho.

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