Facebook Investors Apparently Have No Idea How Facebook Works

Senior Contributor
06.12.13 7 Comments
Pictured: Your average Facebook stockholder, apparently.

Pictured: Your average Facebook stockholder, apparently.

So, Mark Zuckerberg got in front of a whole bunch of angry investors at a hotel near the airport. This is not usually a scenario that ends well for those involved, but Zuckerberg’s job, as the head of a company valued in the billions, is apparently not so much to guide the company to profitability, but to explain to old people how the product they invested in actually works.

In an event that would be funny if it weren’t actually pretty troubling, Zuckerberg’s question and answer session turned into a discussion we all have to have with our parents over Christmas.

Shareholders peppered Zuck with their social-networking concerns, you know the biggies. Why can’t I call Facebook when I have a problem? Why can’t my News Feed always be in chronological order? Why do apps need my personal information? These were the most pressing concerns of the day.

Actually, that last one is a pretty good question, Zucks. But for the most part, the head of the company was stuck explaining this stuff to people who own shares, sometimes thousands of shares, in his company, and dealing with people who hate redesigns. It was like an Internet bitch session except in real life. And it’d be funny except for the fact that these people are who Zuckerberg is ultimately accountable to.

Therein lies the problem; Zuckerberg may hold most of the votes but the stockholders can choose to dump the stock any time they please. So if they want something dumb and insane, Zuckerberg is more likely to do it. On the other hand, better Zucks doing this stuff than us. Seriously, dude, can you just explain this to my grandmother once and for all? I think she’s got, like, eight profiles by this point.

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