Government Contractor "Neutering" iPads For Federal Use

In what has to be the single strangest announcement about the iPad to ever hit the bricks, government contractor CACI has announced that they’ve trimmed the testicles off an iPad so that government employees can make use of it during their job.

CACI, besides being the imperative of caco and thus essentially translating out to a name that orders those who read it to take a dump in their pants, has apparently done… something to iPads to make them safe for governmental use. Why? Because they’re no longer getting paid to torture people.

No, seriously.

The iPad work is one example of how the federal contractor is investing in mobile technology to help offset reduced revenue tied to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, he said.

“We’re looking at how do you go chase that market and how do you put partnerships in place,” Allen said. “The things that we’re doing with Apple around mobility — it’s a broad market play.”

CACI has admitted they’re futzing with the hardware instead of installing software, but it’s not terribly clear what, precisely, that works out to. Likely they’re trimming off the iPad’s wireless access, yanking the camera, and probably blocking Instagram because there are some lines even the worst of us just will not cross.

It’s a little odd, actually, that CACI is bothering, not least because the NSA already built a secure version of Android that you can actually find and install on your phone, unless you are so incredibly paranoid that you don’t trust the NSA not to use that as a stalking horse.

Either way, we’d much rather CACI snip off the manhood of iPads, because man, that’s much funnier than what they were getting up to before. Heh. Neutered.