The Taliban Joins Twitter

No, the headline you just read is not something from The Onion. It’s for reals, y’all. Instafollow, amirite?

This is funny for a million different reasons, of course, not the least of which being that when it ruled Afghanistan from 1996-2001, the hard-line religious dickheads who lead the group forbade Afghan citizens from using all forms of technology in favor of a simpler, more innocent dark ages brand of living. Daring to have a phone or a television or dial-up internet service meant running the risk of medieval punishment. Oh how things have changed!

Their Twitter feed, @alemarahweb, pumps out several messages each day, keeping 224 followers up to date with often highly exaggerated reports of strikes against the “infidel forces” and the “Karzai puppet regime”.

Most messages by the increasingly media-savvy movement are in Pashtu, with links to news stories on the elaborate and multilingual website of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, as the Taliban’s shadow government likes to style itself.

On Thursday, the feed broke into English for the first time, with a tweet about an attack on police in Farah province. “Enemy attacked in Khak-e-Safid, 6 dead,” read the message.

My new goal in life is to get these guys to follow me, just so I can go to parties and say, “The Taliban follows me on Twitter.” Think about it — HOW FREAKING COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?! I’m already working on it