Fred Durst And The CW Are Developing A Drama About His Rise To Fame

The CW announced yesterday that it will take a brief break from stuffing its schedule full of dramas about wealthy, terrible teenagers so it can finally give the American public what it has been clamoring for literally forever: a drama about Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst’s rise to fame.

The Noise, created by Durst, chronicles the rise of a young artist in the 1990s who escapes a tumultuous home life and forms a wildly popular band with a unique sound. Durst, of course, hit it big with his rap metal band Limp Bizkit, which formed in 1994 and went on to superstardom with hits like “Nookie,” “Break Stuff” and their cover of George Michael’s “Faith.” [TV Guide]

If there is a God in heaven and he or she cares about us at all, this show will feature a main character named, like, Fred Blurst, and will be littered with his cartoonishly one-sided, propaganda-filled takes on everything that happened in his life, complete with thinly-veiled — I’m talking tissue paper thin — attacks on everyone who wronged him up and down the ol’ fame ladder.

Fred Blurst: [on telephone] What? No. I can’t. Because I’m busy trying to get my music career off the ground! Well, sure, of course the sex was great. I’m Fred Durs-… I mean, Fred Blurst. I’m always great at sex. But the world needs my music! Sorry, Cindy Crawford and Julia Roberts and Heather Locklear and Janet Jackson — who are on speakerphone trying to get me to group date you here in 1994, because I’m very suave and alluring as a mate even without all the fame and money that will surely come my way in the near future — but that’s just the way it has to be.