Jenny McCarthy Is Joining ‘The View’ As A Co-Host

07.15.13 28 Comments

Let’s do another hypothetical.

Let’s say you own a car dealership. You’ve been pretty successful over the years, and you’ve become one of the oldest and best-known dealerships in the area. Heck, Prince even dropped in one day. That was awesome. But now you’ve got a problem: two of your salesmen are leaving. One of them, the one who has been with you from Day 1, is retiring. You’ll miss him, no doubt, and you’re crazy about him personally, but he rarely put up big numbers. Consistency was his game. Day in, day out, put on the suit, move a couple sedans, tuna sandwich for lunch. His service was appreciated (as you showed by giving him a nice gold watch at the retirement party), but if you’re being totally honest, he won’t be impossible to replace.

The other salesman, however, is not retiring. He’s jumping to a different car dealership a few towns over. Not exactly in your backyard, but still, close enough. At first you were okay with it. He brought a lot of people into the dealership, and he sold a bunch of cars, but his style didn’t seem to … fit. It’s not that he was a bad person, per se, it’s just that, you know, sometimes the customers don’t want to hear the salesman go on and on about politics. They just want to know if they can get the SUVs in hunter green. You tried explaining that a bunch of times, but he wouldn’t stop. And, the thing is, it looks like the political rants might have actually increased foot traffic on the sales floor, both from people agreeing with him, and from people who just showed up to yell at him.

So, long story short, you need to hire some new salesman. Pronto. These cars aren’t gonna sell themselves, right? You want to make a big splash, too, because there are all these other car dealerships in the area, and they definitely smell blood now that you’re going through this very public transition. There’s this one salesman you’ve had your eye on who reminds you a little of the one who just left: handsome, upbeat, blonde. (You’ve always had one blonde salesman. Kinda your “thing.”) The problem is that the thing he’s become best known for lately is some pretty controversial medical views. He’s not even a doctor. He just, like, buys up space in the local paper and publishes 800 word columns that are immediately debunked by respected professionals, then he buys another chunk of space and does it again. It’s kind of weird, and people are making a stink about it because some readers are actually listening to him — a car salesman — instead of their doctor.

But again, you want to make a splash. It’s a tough market out there. Some people aren’t even buying cars anymore, they’re just using car services or biking to save money on gas. And if a little controversy got some people in the door before, couldn’t A LOT of controversy work even better? You’ve got two daughters in college, after all. You need this. And it’s not like it’s YOUR fault if people coming into the dealership to look at minivans hear him spouting off dangerous medical opinions and decide to follow through with them, right? RIGHT?!

Anyway, Jenny McCarthy is joining The View as a co-host.

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