Boyd needs a new headquarters. It’s not that Johnny’s isn’t a fine establishment, as any hole-in-the-wall rural dive that manages to keep such a wide array of high-end bourbons on hand is worth at least three stars on Yelp. The problem is that every goddamn two-bit huckster and henchman south of the Mason-Dixon line on Justified seems to know they can find him there, and it is really becoming a problem, for both his criminal and “legitimate” business interests. I mean, this season alone he’s had two bartenders get assaulted and tied up by rogue foot soldiers who were looking for him. How can he expect to find good help if that trend continues? (“WANTED: Bartender. Must be handy with a shotgun and willing to get kidnapped like three times a year, max.”)
And it’s not just underworld types who are giving him problems. Crooked sheriffs and witty marshals have also been kicking his door down for years now, too. In fact, now that I think about it, I can’t think of a single customer Johnny’s has had recently that wasn’t a lawman or criminal. There’s certainly something to be said for a quiet watering hole that keeps the local riff raff out (especially if you’re trying to get a multimillion-dollar Mexican heroin smuggling operation off the ground in the office), but as far as fronts for criminal operations go, Johnny’s is kind of the worst.
And now, the highlights:
- Speaking of lousy fronts for criminal operations, Audrey’s doesn’t exactly appear to be raking in cash right now either. Say what you will about Dewey Crowe’s street smarts and personal hygiene, but at least he kept the place full of customers.
- Although one upside of the slowdown in business is that it’s giving Kendal lots of time to invent fancy new libations. I hope he’s flipping bottles around and reciting poetry like Tom Cruise in Cocktail by next episode. Very few things would make me happier.
- Look at that. Two full paragraphs and two bullet points, and I haven’t mentioned anything of substance about Raylan or Boyd’s plots from last night, both of which were rather important to the progression of the season. A+ recapping going on here.
- ANYWAY, Raylan was off to Memphis to look into the Hot Rod stuff, which introduced us to Eric Roberts, DEA Agent. (His character’s name was Miller, but whatever.) There was a lot going on here, between Roberts being what showrunner Graham Yost referred to as “The Ghost of Raylan Future” and the Miller/Hot Rod relationship being a gray-haired version of Raylan and Boyd, but I think most of what you need to know about him can be summed up by this GIF.
- If you have to die, there are worse ways to go out than by jamming a pencil into your captor’s neck and getting in one last sick burn about your hated rival’s dead father. RIP, Hot Rod.
- While Raylan spent most of the episode running around Tennessee with a buzzed loose cannon DEA agent, Boyd was keeping himself awfully busy in Harlan. Not only did he reveal to Darryl that he was wise to the Crowe family plot to incorporate themselves into his drug business, but he also had to coax an old, infirm man out of his nursing home so he could murder him to open up Ava’s heroin pipeline into the prison. Lot going on with old Boyd last night.
- The roadside murder of the old guy was kind of a mashup of two murders from The Godfather. There was the “driver gets out to pee while the guy in the passenger seat gets killed” thing from the “Leave the gun, take the cannoli” scene, and the strangling of Carlo Rizzi after the baptism. I have seen The Godfather a lot.
- In which Boyd sums up his entire life this season.
- That whole scene at Audrey’s was terrific. Boyd putting Darryl in his place, good guys pulling guns on bad guys who had just pulled guns on other bad guys, Country Avon and his brother dropping extended King Lear references (the criminals on this show are very literate, yes?), all of it. Boyd with a gun in his face might be my favorite Boyd.
- I wanted the stream of people running through that door to keep going. Wendy and Kendal could have pulled guns on Raylan and Miller, then Tim and Rachel could have pulled guns on Wendy and Kendal, then Limehouse could have pulled a gun on Tim and Rachel, then they all could have chased each other through the rooms of the whorehouse like an episode of Scooby-Doo. I would have liked that.
- We only got a small dose last night, but God bless Wynn Duffy. Between the “like my ass on a Sunday” line about the coffee and his insistence on calling Boyd “Mr. Crowder,” it was just enough to tide me over.
- Boyd Crowder Hair Threat Level: Brunette Wynn Duffy
- Wynn Duffy Hair Threat Level: Blonde Boyd Crowder
- I am sure Dewey’s decision to ram Danny and Miller with a heroin-filled tow truck will be, like, a thing next week, but for now I’d just like to point out the Pinkman-esque quality of the moment.
- Danny Crowder on cocaine, sans context: “I see cocaine and I just sh*t my pants.”
- Couple boxing references last night: Raylan telling the hooker that he mainly likes “the old guys” and the “DOWN GOES FRAZIER” when the DEA boob got headbutted by a handcuffed Roscoe. (“HAMMER AND ANVIL.”)
- Wendy Crowe wants to get Kendal a fake ID. Wendy Crowe is a cool mom.
- The stuff with Ava in the prison… yeah. Feeling that less and less every week. And, again, why hasn’t Boyd murdered the tiny guard who put her there?
- Art’s wife IS right. He’s the crazy one in the Raylan/Art relationship for expecting Raylan to change. You’re a wise lady, Mrs. Art.
- I’ll just leave this here…
Okay, that’s it for me. Feel free to chime in below. Thanks as always to Chet for the GIFs. Please do not pull a gun on me and tie me up behind a bar.