A 32-year-old man from Dover, Delaware is suing the surgical center that performed a colonoscopy on him because he claims that he woke up wearing pink women’s underwear. Andrew Walls is seeking an undisclosed sum in the civil suit, claiming “intentional infliction of emotional distress,” which I’m nearly positive is a case of doth protesting too much.
Before we move on: I had a colonoscopy a year or two ago, and as they were getting me ready to go under, the two nurses were cracking up about something. The one nurse was like, “Should we tell her?” And then the other nurse proceeded to tell me a story — as I was starting to doze off from the anesthesia — about the time she witnessed a guy f*cking a donkey in Mexico. I SWEAR THIS HAPPENED.
Anyway, where were we? Oh right, dude wearing panties.
“The defendant’s extreme and outrageous conduct went beyond all possible bounds of decency,” wrote attorney Gary Nitsche in the complaint on behalf of Walls, who was employed at the center at the time.
In court papers, Nitsche claimed that as a result of the “severe emotional stress” his client suffered mental anguish, lost wages and loss of earning capacity and is due compensation.
It’s unclear why Walls was made to wear pink underwear, whether it was an intentional prank or just a completely honest and random mistake — but come on. Mental anguish and lost wages over wearing pink underpants? I would think he’d be more upset over the fact that, because of this very lawsuit, everyone knows about that time he was made to wear pink panties and now strangers like me are making fun of him on the internet.
Come on, dude. We all know the lady underpants awoke long-dormant urges from deep inside you. Just admit it.
(Delaware Online via NY Mag)