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Bartenders On Reddit Spilled The Gin On What They Really Think Of You

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Bartenders see some serious sh*t on a daily basis, and people often treat them like counselors when they don’t get paid nearly as much. As such, bartenders must passive-aggressively enjoy judging their high maintenance clientele as a means of quiet revenge. The enterprising bartenders of Reddit decided to enjoy a little venting by spilling all their judgments onto the Internet.

Customers sort of know the drill already, for the prospect of ordering in a bar can be daunting. Many people skip the decisions and fall into ordering the same stuff on a repeated basis. Others are brave enough to shake it like a martini, thereby mixing up the same boring routine. Just know that your bartender is probably judging your choice, and you probably deserve it for being a bad tipper. Let’s get down to the judgy secrets spilling from these bartenders’ mouths:

User aquintana gets things started correctly with a handy rundown:

“Manhattan: young dude trying to look classy or something
Cosmo: chick trying to loosen up for ladies night
Draft domestic beer: casual drinker
Draft domestic beer and well shot: alcoholic
Whiskey neat or on the rocks: someone who really needs a drink
Old Fashioned: see manhattan
Rusty Nail: old man
Bahama Mama: someone who recently watched Cocktail
Alabama Slammer: see Bahama Mama
Vodka Rocks, twist: see Beer and shot”

Other bartenders are simply not impressed and will freely toss shade like VulcanJoo:

“Apparently being a 30 yr old male does not prevent me from being a basic bitch with my drink order (vodka sprite)”

Bartender Aubullion has some strong feelings about gin and tonics:

“Females + G&Ts = sloppy hot drunks.”

This one from A_Star_Trek_Reference lives up to the bartender’s handle:

“As I’ve said in a similar post, the most baffling encounter I’ve ever had was when Lt. Commander Worf ordered a prune juice, chilled. Some kind of warrior he is.”

Here’s a lesson in bar etiquette from CosmoKrammer:

“Make it a strong one” (usually while winking and nodding) without asking for a double etc = Cheap and annoying”

Geoffp82 will guess your age by your order.

“If someone orders a Midori Sour, they get carded. No one orders one unless they are 12.”

Ridiculous_Diagonsis is very tired of your insecurities when ordering:

“This gets asked all the time and the answer isn’t and shouldn’t be a simple yes or no. Do I think that you’re a dumb college girl or a gay man if you order something “girly” and sweet? No. I’ll think you don’t like the taste of alcohol and peach schnapps is delicious. Do I think you’re a little inexperienced if you order a Cuba Libre? Most likely, but that’s okay. Do I think you’re tough if you order a nice scotch? No.”

Travis Con gets into the spirit of things here:

“It’s hard not to. I know a lot of the bartenders I worked with think that any guy who orders a white liquor drink that isn’t a dry martini is gay, and any guy who regulars a neat whiskey-base is rich. The whiskey guys tend to not shut the f*ck up about how much they know about whiskey, and I always found that they typically just like to hear themselves talk. I didn’t judge based on the drink they ordered, I mostly judged by them asking what selection of (insert dark drink here) we had, followed by a ‘meh. I’ll have a Guinness.’

“Ironically, I always found the guys who got the girly drinks tipped better. And that’s the only way I cared to judge my patrons.”

Xandersoizy only judges those who are hilariously judgy over beer:

“‘All you have is Bud Lite? Disgusting, I’m a Coors lite man. That there is a quality beer.’ Yeah this guy is a f*cking idiot. (I’m not judging this man on his drink of choice. I’m judging him for his sheer hatred towards a beer that is practically the same as his preferred beer.”

Hatescopsandcats has bartending standards, and don’t you forget it:

“If you order a top shelf liquor to be mixed with pop, you are a f*cking idiot who just wants people to know that you ordered expensive booze. If you’re having a martini, or whiskey on the rocks then by all means get good liquor. If you’re having a whiskey Coke or a Bloody Mary, go rail or call, you won’t be able to tell the difference.”

Mister Hurtsdonut_ has one simple rule for customers.

“Just know what you want to order when the bartender gets to you. Don’t be like make me something fruity.”

Finally, HundRetter delivers a reason amidst the chaos:

“Nope. I’m funny and friendly, I get you what you want, and then you give me money. Tip me, don’t be a d*ck to me, drink whatever you want. I don’t care.”

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