‘First Derm’ Is The App That Lets You Send Pictures Of Your Junk To Qualified Doctors

It’s a great time to be alive for Sewage Joe and the entire sewage department in Muncie, Indiana, as technology has made it so much easier and less embarrassing for a guy to ask a doctor: “Hey, what’s up down there?” First Derm has been helping the very attractive people of Sweden anonymously deal with their STD symptoms and diagnoses since 2009, when a person could just quickly snap a picture of that ugly rash or those unsightly bumps and send it to a qualified doctor. But the app’s creator, Alexander Borve, eventually realized that First Derm could be used for so much more, and by people all over the world who understand that people don’t want to see them scratching their crotches in public.

So First Derm was relaunched in January as a complete dermatological iPhone app that can connect just about everyone with a board-certified dermatologist, who will issue a response within 24 hours. And according to Tech Crunch, business has been decent enough, with 10,000 downloads and 1,000 cases diagnosed since January, which doesn’t sound all that impressive unless you imagine that all 1,000 of those people are sitting next to you on the subway every day. As for what this newer, broader and bolder First Derm can help diagnose, the app’s website offers an extensive guide.

“But hey Burnsy, why’d you write such a misleading headline then, if all of these conditions can be diagnosed by First Derm?” Becayse Borve admits that roughly 70% of the images sent to First Derm are still of the dong and crotchal variety. Hey, nobody cured the common cold in one day, so we can’t expect an app that could eventually help save people’s lives to be utilized for more than STD detection in just six months either. But based on the reviews, First Derm is already saving some people.

There’s even a First Derm YouTube channel with actual advice from Dr. Marcus Conant, who appears to be an actual human being who knows things. Again, it’s truly a wild and wart-free time to be alive, friends.