Five Things We Learned About ‘Thief’ From Its Bizarre New Trailer

Thief marks the reboot of a classic franchise and the first major console release of the year. But Square Enix has been pretty mum on the game’s overall plot. And if this final trailer to hype the game before its Tuesday release is any indication, that’s because the game’s story is pretty much completely bonkers.

First, view the trailer for yourself.

The Ultimate Evil In This Brave New Victorian World Is Magically Powered Robots

So, if we’re understanding this trailer correctly, Garrett is trying ultimately to prevent some high muckety-muck from capturing a magic essence, so he can use that eldritch power to… uh, make magic robots?

Wait, really? That’s the plot? Did Eidos’ story team maybe eat the wrong mushrooms on their pizza before they wrote it up?

And Also There Are Zombies

Uh, OK. We guess that plague is even nastier than we thought.

Rule 34 Is Alive And Well In Garrett’s World

One of the ongoing themes in the game is that you’ll be stealing paintings to sell on the black market. The theme is hybrids of animals and humans, but the trailer, for some reason, chooses to go all DeviantArt on us:

The Terminator Makes A Cameo

Actually, there are a lot of hints you’re going to build a Victorian Terminator. In the trailer, you find his hand:

And his bejeweled head:

Normally I’d say this is a coincidence, but apparently there are swarms of magic robots in this game, so, hey, why not give Garrett one of his own.

The Brain Is Alive And Well And Leading Violent Revolutions

Go to 1:03 on the trailer and listen closely to the rebel leader guy, because of course, there’s a rebel leader guy leading the fight against the Baron. If that’s not Maurice LaMarche, better known to you as The Brain, it’s somebody who sounds a lot like him.

In short, this has gone from sounding like “Hey, here’s something to fill in while you wait for the next Dishonored” to “Hey, here’s something completely nuts!” We kind of like the switch.