E.L. James’ newest literary endeavor — which I describe as such with trace amounts of sarcasm — Grey was released today, the follow up to Fifty Shades Of Grey told entirely from Christian Grey’s perspective. (Side note: Does Christian Grey have a cat? I think I have an idea for her next book.) At any rate, the reviews are in. By reviews, I mean the most ridiculous lines shared by readers on Twitter. Try not to get yourself too flustered if you’re at work.
The First Page of E.L. James's GREY pic.twitter.com/6ZMrx2HFA0
— Publishers Weekly (@PublishersWkly) June 18, 2015
Her words travel directly to my dick, passing "Go" on the way.
Drunken Friday night in West London, playing monopoly, still typing. #Grey
— lucyinglis (@lucyinglis) June 18, 2015
This book is the worst. I'm so sorry. #Grey pic.twitter.com/KiQ3qFJ7Sg
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
The best fake E.L.James line: "If my cock was a teenager, it would have slammed the doors and walked out" – @flashboy #Grey
— Emma Gannon (@emmagannon) June 18, 2015
(Okay that one was fake, but too good not to include because it could have been real.)
“In my closet I strip off all my clothes and from a drawer pull out my favourite jeans. My DJs. Dom jeans.” #Grey
— Kat Brown (@katbrown) June 18, 2015
#grey "I like my women in skirts. I like them accessible."
Those are words. in the book.
— Smart Bitches (@SmartBitches) June 18, 2015
https://twitter.com/girllostincity/status/611492572230500352
"IS MUSIC TO MY DICK." #Grey pic.twitter.com/mde6XP4CJO
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) June 18, 2015
'Suddenly her pelvis flexes…' CALL 911. This is either childbirth, advanced tetanus, or rickets. #Grey
— lucyinglis (@lucyinglis) June 18, 2015
https://twitter.com/bryony_gordon/status/611481187161362432
So turns out #Grey is a tad judgy: "His handshake is limp, like his hair." #GreyDay
— Kassia St. Clair (@kassiastclair) June 18, 2015
'And she's pissed at me: maybe she has PMS.'
Yeah, that's it Christian. Definitely. #Grey
— lucyinglis (@lucyinglis) June 18, 2015
I don’t know about you guys, but I will never be able to un-think the mental imagery of a ginger root sticking out of someone’s ass. Was it at least unpeeled? You know what, I don’t want to know.