Herman Cain: A ‘Manly Man’ Is Too Manly To Eat ‘Sissy Pizza’ — I.E. Pizza ‘Piled High With Vegetables’

We are merely hours into this new week and already magical presidential candidate/gift from the comedy gods Herman Cain has said something that has people all over the internet going, “Wait, WHAT!” In fact, when I first saw a reference to the GQ interview that has people laughing and buzzing, I was sure that it came from something written in The Onion. Like, I didn’t even consider for a second that it might be real. Silly me. I fail to realize that the Herman Cain is strong with this one, Herman Cain.

Here’s the setup. A couple of GQ writers sat had a pizza party with Herman Cain where Cain does his best to lock up the Ron Swanson vote. Annnnd GO….

Chris Heath: What can you tell about a man by the type of pizza that he likes?

Herman Cain: [repeats the question aloud, then pauses for a long moment] The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is.

Chris Heath: Why is that?

Herman Cain: Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. [laughs]

Devin Gordon: Is that purely a meat question?

Herman Cain: A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.

Hey dudes who eat pizza with veggies on it — why are you such faggity fags? You probably don’t even bother to wash down your sissy pizza with Miller Lite like a manly man either, do you, Homos? Geez, you probably don’t even ask big-titted blonde cougs under your employ to go back to your hotel room at the end of a long night of work, do you? Of course you don’t because you’re a bunch of GODDAMN MEATLESS PIZZA-EATING QUEERS!

The only way Herman Cain can possibly top this with his next trick is if he puts on his pimp hat without using his hands, like this guy…

I wonder what Herman Cain thinks about turkey burgers?

(Pic via GQ. Gif via Warchief)