Texas Bro Blew All His Tax Return Money On Strippers, Told Wife And Police That He Was Robbed

Well, it’s tax season, friends, and that means that a lot of people have big decisions to make – namely, what are they going to do with all that extra coin? Some people, myself included, like to take that money and put it in savings so that it’s always there for a rainy day. Others prefer the George Costanza theory of found money, and decide to take it down to the track and bet it all on a horse, or maybe buy some terrible triangle art.

But not 21-year old, Jesus Mata, Jr. Nope, he had other plans. According to ABC 7 in Denver, Mata chose to help support the La Feria, Texas economy, and by that I mean he blew it all on strippers. But once his conscience kicked in, presumably between the 17th or 18th lap dance, Mata knew that his wife was going to be pissed, so he cooked up the perfect alibi.

Jesus Mata Jr., 21, recently received the refund and decided to spend it at the bar on Wednesday, police said, before he concocted a story to police that gunmen with assault weapons took the money.

Police said Mata told them he was robbed at gunpoint at 3 a.m. and that six men in two trucks boxed in his car and took the money.

Adding, “Yeah, and this one guy, they called him Keaton, he was like, ‘I know who you are!’ and he ripped my badge off my shirt, and this other guy named Verbal was just chilling in the back of the one van because he’s a cripple, right?”

Mata thought that he was in the clear once he tied up valuable police department resources in trying to find this notorious gang that targets men who just got their tax returns, but they eventually smelled a rat and he came clean.

“I started drinking some Bud Lights and I got a couple of lap dances,” police said Mata told them. “I was there until they closed at 2 a.m.

In Mata’s defense, three Bud Lights at a strip club comes out to roughly $900, so it’s not like he got too crazy. But next time, if you’re hellbent on spending your entire tax return at a strip club and you don’t want your wife to know, do what I do and tell her that you bought her something really special and then frame her for murder so she goes to prison and can’t ask what it is.

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