Last Week Tonight doesn’t return until February, but that hasn’t stopped John Oliver from randomly popping up throughout his hiatus to supply much needed commentary on the holiday season. His most recent tirade supplies some brilliant advice on the many ways to avoid that awful holiday (and movie?) that is New Year’s Eve.
“New Year’s Eve is the worst. It combines three of the least pleasant things known to mankind: forced interaction with strangers; being drunk, cold, and tired; and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”
Always the helpful Gent, Mr. Oliver mapped out a few specific helpful excuses to avoid the evening altogether.
To sum things up:
- Avoid strip clubs unless Ebola goes airborne and the only cure is glitter.
- Get out of going to that one party by telling everyone you are doing a cleanse. Because no one wants to hear about your f*cking cleanse!
- Blow off all of your friends and family.
Hell, this all sounds pretty great if I get to watch all five Die Hard movies and still be in bed before midnight! Thank you John Oliver, you’re the BEST!