Launch Photon Ass Torpedoes — Astronauts in Danger From Their Own Farts

There’s a reason those suits are so roomy.

An astronaut faces a lot of unexpected dangers when in space — your spacecraft could be crippled by a tiny piece of space junk, you could be killed by a bolt of static electricity, or you could accidentally blow up your space station because you filled it with so many farts.

Yup, that last one is an actual concern. So much so, that a real, actual scientific study was done on how space food effects the intensity and frequency of astronauts “blasting off” in their space-pants. Come on kids, let’s learn more than any of us wanted to know about astronaut flatulence with a few quotes from the study…

“Intestinal bacteria form two gases, hydrogen (H2) and methane (CH4), that could constitute a fire hazard in a closed chamber.”

“Risk of fire hazard increases exponentially depending on astronauts proximity to beer bongs and access to lighters.”

“Several factors affect gas formation: 1) amount and kind of fermentable substrate; 2) abundance, types, and location of microflora; and 3) psychic and somatic conditions that affect the gut.”

“4) Proximity to dogs, cats or really any animal. Subjects invariably indicate the flatulence originates from these animals. Tests are inconclusive.”

“One group of 6 men ate Gemini-type diet (S) and another received a bland formula (F), for 42 days. Breath and rectal gases were analyzed during the first and final weeks. Flatus gases varied widely within dietary groups but much more gas was generated with diet S than with F.”

“A third diet, labelled TB, consisting entirely of Taco Bell chili-cheese burritos led to the destruction of the testing facility.”

Craving even more weirdly technical-sounding details? Hit up the link below you sickos.

via Discover Blog