Watch This Fully Grown Man Freak Out Over A Teeny Tiny Spider

This video has everything the Internet could ever desire (besides porn). We’ve got a grown man waving a hat and freaking out, a woman lecturing him to “be a man” in the background, and a child screaming above the fervor. All in all, this makes for a classic viral video in the sense that a bearded adult is “ho ho ho-ing” and “I got this, ooooohhhh, I got this!” over an itty bitty arachnid. The poor spider is wondering what the hell is going on down on ground level because this dude truly wants to rumble and can’t bring himself to even cope.

The entire clip makes an entertaining watch. The woman threatens to put the spider in the man’s mouth while he sleeps (yeah, like that’ll happen), and the man shouts, “I’m bigger than you!” at the arachnid delivering a side-eye and having a laugh at the ridiculous humans. Not to mention the instant classic — “What if it has babies, and they come out?” The final blow comes at the end when the man’s poorly conceived, spider-killing assault fails to execute as planned. His ultimate strategic move backfires, and he may end up not sleeping for days.

Spoiler alert: He does not kill the spider.