New Jalapeño Engineered Specifically To Hold More Cheese, No Really

01.20.11 8 years ago

Well, good news today for Magic Johnson, or anyone else who happens to own a chain of T.G.I. Friday’s, scientists have once again put that whole “cure for cancer” thing on hold and focused on a much more urgent matter: like breeding larger jalapeños, specifically for the purpose of being able to fit more cheese inside of them. My god, the terrorists have truly won.

The new jalapeño, named NuMex Jalmundo, comes from Anthony Kiedis the science team over at New Mexico State University’s nonprofit Chile Pepper Institute. It’s okay, you can click the link. I didn’t really believe they existed either.

The jumbo chile emerged from a hybridization between a bell pepper (Keystone Resistant Giant) and a regular-sized jalapeño (of the Early Jalapeno varietal), and was specifically created to respond to American consumer demand for ever larger, cheesier, and meatier jalapeño poppers, a popular stuffed, breaded, and deep-fried appetizer or bar snack. [Good.Is]

The institute’s director, Paul Bosland, must no doubt be pretty damn excited over the fact that his team has bred this new category of pepper, but what everyone seems to have overlooked are the extremely dangerous ramifications of this scientific discovery. Our colons, ladies and gentlemen, our colons are in danger here.

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