Being an adolescent is rough. You’re not quite an adult, but not exactly a child, either, and with racing hormones and everything else it’s only natural to want to experiment with sex, substances, and whatever else. The only problem is that you still live under your parents’ roof, which affords you very little in the way of privacy, and while you’re under their roof you’ll live by their rules, and blah blah blah blah.
Of course, some teens and young adults are better at hiding their, uh, indiscretions than others. Personally I think the worst thing my parents found of mine was a photo album while I was home from college, which documented my various and far from innocent goings-on while away at college… But all things considered it could have been much worse, such as these stories from the annals of AskReddit, which posed the question: “What did your parents find in your room that you wish they hadn’t?”
Suffice to say, the answers don’t disappoint, and some veer off into the NSFW territory. We’ll start with this one from defhex who had a very similar experience as my sister, who had the dog chew up a beer bong she brought home from senior week.
One of my vibrators. And to make things even worse. My dog found one of them that had like a plastic-shaped penis covering over it. My dog took it into the living room and proceeded to tear it apart.
So on top of my mom finding out I had sex toys, I spent 30 minutes cleaning and looking for pieces of plastic in the living room.
Any walk of shame had nothing on this.
Cookiemonster1997 here didn’t even have to worry about parents, thanks to an incredibly nosy housekeeper:
My housekeeper found what I liked to call my sex box, basically a box containing condoms, lube, and of course a big blue dildo, and confronted me about it. I told her it was for a school project on safe sex.
I can only hope that the appropriately-named stackz07 didn’t owe anyone any money after what his dad did to his weed stash:
Half a pound of weed. Watched my dad take a hammer to the bag, dump it all over the lawn then ride the lawn mower over it.
The even more appropriated named MoistNugget clearly doesn’t have a mom with the best sense of humor.
A pocket pussy. My mom ended up throwing it at me in a fit of rage/disgust. She asked “what would your friends think if they saw that.” my response “they’d probably laugh.”
Let ddracom60‘s story serve as a cautionary tale why you never make sex tapes… while living at home with your parents.
A girlfriend let me record our sexual adventures (camping, bjs, car sex, outdoor, special stripping videos she would film for me).
Later that summer, I was away at football camp… and when I returned home, I couldn’t find my camera. My parents found it, and later had a “talk” with me about my “devious” behavior.
What I want to know is why Sock_Ninja‘s girlfriend needed all those pregnancy tests in the first place. They’re called condoms, bruh.
Pregnancy tests. My ex-girlfriend was too embarrassed to buy them, so I did and never got around to getting rid of the extras afterward. My parents found the box a couple of years after our relationship was over; I blew it off as a joke from some friends.
(Tests were negative, for the curious. Whew.)
DrugsAndGlugs, tissues, dude…
I was a weird kid… Basically I used to masturbate then finish into the small trashcan in my room. I didn’t really notice any problems with it until one day my dad walks in and is talking to me, he says “I can see your shame” then leaves.
Didn’t even realize what he meant until days later.
Wait, so ThisIsPlanA got his revenge on his mother by… marrying his high-school girlfriend? Next time try Plan B.
High-school girlfriend wrote a note about how she wanted to tie me up and sexually abuse me with power tools. My mom found it, opened it, read it, and kept it after confronting me about it. It made things suuuuper awkward between them.
But I got my revenge by marrying that girl years later. So, as a result of my mother’s nosiness, she irreparably damaged her relationship with her daughter-in-law.
Finally, garishbourne tells a probably all-too familiar tale for many boys coming of age.
Me beating my dick like it owed me money.
Got a story of your own that you may or may not be telling to your therapist today? Leave it in the comments!