Pulp Fiction Finally Gets Medieval On Our A$$es, Shakespeare Style

Back in 2008, a wiki called “A Slurry Tale” was started to crowdsource a re-write of Pulp Fiction as a Shakespearean play because that is very, very important. A year later Tedious Brief Productions performed a one-hour version of the play (Bard Fiction) at the Minnesota Fringe Festival. Now they’re touring an 80 minute version of the play, titled Pulp Shakespeare, in Los Angeles (tickets here). Despite the iambic pentameter and Old English phrasing, it’s still surprisingly easy to follow, as evidence by the clips below.

And I know what you’re probably wondering: how did they handle Samuel L. Jackson’s famous speech? For that, we offer a transcript (via A Slurry Tale) for every last mother’s son of you:

J: Your pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.

B: What?

J: What country dost thou hail from?

B: What?

J: Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What?
I know but naught of thy fair country What.
What language speak they in the land of What?

B: What?

J: English, base knave, dost thou speak it?

B: Aye!

J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!

B: What?

JULES presses his knife to BRETT’s throat

J: Speak ‘What’ again! Thou cur, cry ‘What’ again!
I dare thee utter ‘What’ again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but ‘What’,
Of Marsellus Wallace!

B: His clothes are fine.

J: Aye, and what more?

B: His hair is closely cropped.

J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?

B: What?

JULES strikes and BRETT cries out

J: Hath he the semblance of a harlot?

B: Nay!

J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?

B: I did not!

J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou sought to rape him like a chattel whore!
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With aught but Lady Wallace, whom he wed.

Okay, enough transcribing, check out the videos for the rest. The best part starts shortly before the nine minute mark:

And here’s an excerpt from the earlier, shorter version (Bard Fiction) at the 2009 Minnesota Fringe Festival:

[Videos via AVClub and FringeFestival. Image credit: Commedia Beauregard]