If you’re not already sitting down, you might want to sit down for this story. If you’re sitting down on the toilet, however (we all know what you do in there), I’d advise finishing up and sitting down somewhere else.
A man named Atthaporn Boonmakchuay from the Chachoengsao province of south-central Thailand was taking his morning constitutional this week over his squat toilet, common in most parts of Asia, when a giant-ass python rose up out of the darkness of the toilet and chomped down right on his wiener. While lesser men may have passed out in pure shock, it was Atthaporn’s quick thinking that likely saved both his penis and his life.
As his wife Sawittree Shooyoung would tell Thairath, that’s when she heard him scream for help and call for a rope. Entering the bathroom, Sawittree found her bleeding husband fighting with the nearly 4-meter long python. She gave him the rope as requested.
Just before he passed out from loss of blood, Atthaporn grasped the serpent by its head and managed to use the rope to tie it to the bathroom door.
Atthaporn is in stable condition. Flanked by grinning doctors, he told reporters that he was careful to unhinge the reptile’s jaws rather than forcing it free and risking permanent damage to his self.
Emergency workers had to break apart the toilet to free the nearly four-meter-long (12+ feet!) python, which they believe entered the toilet through a pipe. And lest you think this is all just another urban legend from another country, you can see video of the giant snake’s harrowing rescue here, as well as — and I cannot warn you enough — graphic images from the bathroom following the incident here. Happy pooping!