Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is eying a run for the White House in 2016, an idea that seems just as logical as his economic reforms in Wisconsin. A place where “open for business” means “jobs aren’t here and our wages are some of the lowest in the nation.”
But poorly thought out runs for the highest office in the land are common place in today’s political theater. Luckily, so are scandals, and this one is a doozy. 25,000 pages of emails were released today as part of a now closed investigation into Walker’s aides and their activities. From The Washington Post:
The investigation focused on Walker’s time as Milwaukee county executive in the run-up to his 2010 election as governor and led to the convictions of six former aides and allies, including criminal convictions of two aides for performing political business on county time.
Prosecutors have said Walker was never a target, and he was not charged. Walker said Wednesday that the new disclosures revealed nothing beyond what authorities already had reviewed, and he predicted that Democrats would exaggerate their importance.
The e-mails and other previously sealed court documents released Wednesday showed nearly daily coordination between Walker, his gubernatorial campaign and public employees in his county office.
Walker has characterized the activities as wayward behavior of low-level aides. But the e-mails show that he knew county officials were working closely with campaign officials.
And sure, the thought of reading a lot of campaign emails is a boring thought. Even if there are claims that there’s an “inner circle” and I start getting images of Elvis and his Memphis mafia in my head. It should be little more than an inconvenience to Walker, as long as nothing drastic presents itself:
THE NIGHTMARE
In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I’m circumcised!
Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver’s license photo and it was that same color, black.
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair.
But it’s a wheelchair! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I’m also disabled! I said to myself, aloud “This is impossible! It’s impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled!” “It’s the pure and holy truth,” whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it’s my boyfriend.
Just what I needed!!! I am a homosexual, and on top of that, with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God …. Black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!
Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, nooooo…I’m bald!!!
The telephone rings. it’s my brother. He is saying, ‘Since mom and dad died, the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job, you worthless piece of crap… Any job!’
Mom? Dad? Nooooo … Now I’m also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan, but he doesn’t get it.
Frustrated, I hang up. It’s then I realize I only have one hand!!! With tears in my eyes, I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker…. Pacemaker??
Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, ‘Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided what you are going to wear to Washington to see Obama?’
Say it isn’t so!!! I can handle being a black, disabled, one-armed, drug-addicted, Jewish homosexual on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, Oh dear God, please don’t tell me I’m a Democrat! (via)
This is from an email sniffed out by Evan McMorris-Santoro over at Buzzfeed, sent by Walker’s former chief-of-staff Thomas Nardelli. From Gawker:
[THE NIGHTMARE] was forwarded in 2010 by Thomas Nardelli, who was Walker’s chief-of-staff when he served as Milwaukee County Executive, to an undisclosed number of recipients, including Walker’s deputy chief-of-staff, Kelly Rindfleisch.
The best part is that this piece of racist fantasy isn’t alone in the depths of emails released today. McMorris-Santoro also found this gem among the stack:
“Hilarious” was exactly the word I wanted to find in regards to the 2016 Walker campaign. This may not be as damning as a childish outburst that leads to closing a bridge, but it’s pretty close.
It should be noted that Walker himself did not send or create these emails. He also didn’t say anything racist himself, but he did allow this sort of activity to take place. And as we all know, even the smallest scandal can derail your efforts for political success in DC.
The good news is that Walker probably didn’t stand much of a shot at winning any nomination for the party anyhow. How many Conservative supermen have there been since the 2012 election? Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Chris Christie should go on a bus tour together and try to run as one candidate. Maybe that will work.
Meanwhile, in a sweaty Mexican hut, a solemn Miguel Romney wipes the sweat from his brow and ponders his former life north of the border. He’s always telling the locals, “I was almost president, you know?” Sure you were, pal. Sure you were.