Stephen Colbert kicked off his The Late Show monologue on Thursday with the most important news story of the week, dare I say month, possibly year: “Ontario man’s 8-foot zucchini might be the longest in world.” He then moved on to less pressing issues, like the former president of the United States and his kids being on trial in a civil fraud case.
“Moving from Canada’s national pastime to America’s, hoping Donald Trump goes to jail, he is presently running for president and from the law,” Colbert said. “In Trump’s New York financial fraud trial, which is going on presently, the court is hearing testimony from Ivanka, Don Jr., and Eric. Or as Trump calls them, the pretty one, the smart one, my favorite, Don Jr., and Eric.”
Speaking of Don Jr., the sniffly conspiracy theorist asked the courtroom artist working the trial to “make me look sexy,” according to Reuters. “It takes a lot of balls to hit on a sketch artist during your own trial,” Colbert said before guessing how things went down between Trump Jr. and the artist: “Hey, what are you doing later? I’m free after 5… maybe 4 with good behavior.”
You can watch Colbert’s The Late Show monologue above.