‘The Hobbit’ Makes An Unexpected Journey To Denny’s

Middle Earth! Land of magic, wonder and uh…pancake puppies? And cookie milk shakes? Yeah, that’s right — there apparently aren’t many restaurant options on the path to Lonely Mountain, because Bilbo is going to goddamn Denny’s.

Starting November 6th, Denny’s will give its customers the opportunity to kill themselves slowly with a fun new Hobbit-themed menu! The menu includes such items as “Lonely Mountain Treasure” (deep-fried French toast chunks with a cream cheese icing dipping bowl), “Radagasts Red Velvet Cake Puppies” (chocolate chip filled breakfast cake balls) and “Gandalf’s Gobble Melt” (who even f–king knows).

Pop a few Tums and hit the jump for a peek at the menu and a TV commercial…

Believe it or not, the “Fried Cheese Melt” isn’t one of Sauron’s dark creations — Denny’s thought up a grilled cheese sandwich with mozzarella sticks in it all on its own.

Yup, you can build your own Hobbit Slam with “Shire Sausage”. I can’t even bring myself to make a proper sodomy joke.

Haha, good one Denny’s, except come on — you know none of your customers would actually be offended by what the old woman said. That would require them to be both literate and not completely stoned/numb to the world.

via Advertising Age