This Florida Man Allegedly Had Sex With A Tree Before Stabbing A Cop With His Own Badge

Have you heard of this new drug that’s the hottest craze in Florida right now? It’s a synthetic drug called Flakka, and it apparently makes bath salts look like Red Bull. NBC News describes it as being “more potent and more addictive than its synthetic predecessors,” and it’s already been responsible for incidents such as a man trying to kick down the door of a police station, and another man impaling himself on a spiked fence outside of a police station. Basically, it sounds like it turns you into the zombies from 28 Days Later.

Flakka was also responsible for the alleged spree by the 41-year-old man you see in the above mugshot, Kenneth Crowder of Melbourne, Fla., who witnesses claim was running naked through a neighborhood yelling that he was a god, and eventually “committed a sexual act on a tree.”

He didn’t stop there, reports Orlando’s WKMG 6 News:

A Melbourne police officer went to the area and confronted Crowder, who was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt, officials said. Crowder walked toward the officer in an aggressive manner and identified himself as God, according to police.

The officer used a Taser on Crowder, but he pulled the probes out of his body and continued to fight, police said.  Crowder was shocked a second time, but he again pulled out the probes and went at the officer with clenched fists, according to police.

The officer punched Crowder in the face and a scrum ensued, with Crowder saying that he was Thor and trying to stab the officer with the officer’s badge, police said.

Obviously, he wasn’t the real Thor because the real Thor carries a hammer. Thank goodness he wasn’t carrying one because this story would have probably had a horrifyingly different ending. Don’t do drugs, kids. Except the harmless ones like marijuana because even the most sensationalistic ’80s anti-drug propaganda couldn’t have predicted this.

(Via GQ)