This story is about a “Florida man” named “Phuc Kieu,” so at first I was like, does it even matter what he was arrested for? But that’s actually pretty impressive as well. Yesterday an unnamed man walked past a Honda Civic after withdrawing $220 from a walk-up ATM machine, when Phuc Kieu, who was occupying the Civic, jumped out and pulled the man into the vehicle. Once in the vehicle, Mr. Kieu jumped on top of the man, straddling him, and attempted to pull off his clothes.
Oh yeah, and it should also be noted that this also happened at 4:25 p.m. in the afternoon, because if you’re going to attempt brazen assault might as well go for it in broad daylight.
Thankfully, Phuc Kieu did not succeed in his attempts and the victim was able to escape. According to Gainesville.com:
The man wrestled himself out of the Honda, and Kieu tried to pull off his backpack as he ran away, the report states. He eventually broke free of Kieu’s grasp and ran to a nearby shopping center yelling, “Rapist!”
Police officers determined that Kieu had been watching gay pornography in the driver’s seat of the Honda with a portable DVD player before he is accused of attacking the victim.
Excuse me, a portable DVD player? What year is this, 2003? Even my mother has a smartphone at this point. Sure, she doesn’t know how to look up porn on it any more than she knows how to send an email, but that’s not the point. I guess what I’m saying is that out of all the things that went wrong here, from the broad daylight assault to being from Florida and having a name that sounds incredibly vulgar, no good could have come from a guy who watches porn on obsolete technology in public.