The 75-year-old man in the above mugshot, John Przybyla of Friendship, Wisconsin, was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving back in October — for the tenth time! — after a blood alcohol test recorded a preliminary result of .062. Because after ten drunk driving convictions one presumably has not a single f*ck left to give, Przybyla told officers that he had not been drinking alcohol, but had instead consumed beer-battered fish before getting behind the wheel.
It was a valiant attempt, but you’re not going to get off the hook by saying you ate beer-battered fish. Other foods that will not get you off the hook for a DUI include Penne alla Vodka and Chicken Marsala. Vodka-infused turkey — which I recently wrote about and made a pretty sweet Photoshop for — will also not get you off the hook for a DUI, because you will actually be wasted after you eat it. Just your friendly PSA for the day.