I have to admit, I’m painfully oblivious when it comes to this newfangled Oculus Rift and virtual reality stuff. So in addition to being entertaining at some poor guy’s expense, this since-removed Reddit post (sorry dude) taught me a bit about the fascinating world of “VR porn.” (I’m good now though. Don’t need to know anything else about VR porn.)
See, Reddit user “bestnerd” made the grave error to take up marijuana after ten years, while conveniently downloading some of this “porn from the future” while awaiting the arrival of his girlfriend. Pot + girlfriend = OK. Pot + porn from the future = OK. Pot + girlfriend + porn from the future = NOOOOOOOOOO.
It was a cool and sunny day in Colorado as I came home this afternoon. I worked on the car for an hour or so and came inside to notice half a joint a friend of mine had left over the night before. Ah, what the heck I thought (I should also mention I have not smoked in almost 10 years but everyone says I should bc of a medical condition that I have).
ANYWAY, I grabbed a match, lit it up, took a few hits, made some left over spaghetti and meatballs, and then got into the shower. Best shower I have taken EVER. Getting out of the shower, I saw my phone had rang and was left with a text message by my girlfriend that she won’t be here for another hour since she was getting pizza with a friend of hers.
Sounds like a pretty great day so far. You know what would probably be a nice use of that hour? How about a nap! Just a nice, relaxing nap.
I stepped out of the bathroom only in a towel and noticed a small window on the bottom of my desktop monitor notifying me that 70gigs of VR porn had finished downloading. The Oculus even happened to be connected and was sitting on my desk as if it were gently placed there by fate and whispered softly to me “Hey, we are alone now. How about a quickie? No one has to know.”
Or, you know . . .
How could I resist? I dropped my towel and loaded up the first POV video I could find and before I knew it a hot European 10 was going down on me in some tea joint of all places! I’m getting a blowjob in public this is CRAZY OMG!! (I am really f*cking high at this point).
We probably didn’t need to know all of this information. I guess this is maybe why he deleted the post.
I flick the dial on my sound bar nice and high to really get a feel for the experience as a whole and then start masturbating furiously. At this time the oculus is shaking on my face violently distorting my vision completely as I come closer to climax and then BAM! I blow my load all over the place and I can’t even see where its going but I don’t even care! I slump into my chair in total relaxation and remove the oculus from my face.
Sitting next to me is my girlfriend staring directly into my face eating her slice of pizza making a face which can only be described by this gif:
In complete terror I projectile vomit the spaghetti and meatballs all over my naked body. I get up and walk shamefully into the shower covered in my own vomit and semen without saying a word. The shower felt really good on weed again though.
Well at least he got to have a happy ending. With the shower I mean, JESUS. Of course, that is unless his girlfriend leaves him for being such a pervy spazz, in which case the “hot European 10” female version of the Lawnmower Man can keep him warm at night. Win-win!
(Via BroBible)