A Woman Was Accused Of Pooping Her Pants After Leaving A Negative Yelp Review

This one’s got a lot of moving parts, so you’re gonna want to keep up. What started out as just your average, one-star negative Yelp review from a pissy customer, spun out of control into a messy, public tale of lies, deception, and pooping — emphasis on “messy.”

It all began when a Yelper who goes by “Emma C.” gave Nick’s Riverside Grill — the lovely looking establishment pictured above — a poor review on May 26. In her review, Emma C. complains that she had the “worst service” at Nick’s, claiming that she was overcharged for a single happy hour drink.

Here’s the review, which, along with the restaurant’s response, has been deleted. Thanks to the magic of the internet, though, both live on forever.

I went there for happy hour and they hold my card at the bar. Charged me two drinks and more while I only ordered one hh drink. I asked the bartender, he said he didn’t have the right to change the bill and asked me to call the manager later since he’s out. I called and they just said manager is really busy and will call me back. As u can figure, no call at all. And they post the charge without my signature! I didn’t sign the bill!! If u swipe my card wrongly for someone else, I’m not the one paying for it.

Seems like a feasible enough mistake, right? Oh, but the plot gets so much thicker from there. As thick as I imagine Nick’s Creamy Cheddar Broccoli Soup to be. Maybe thicker! Manager Liz S. of Nick’s Riverside Grill responded to Emma C.’s review with the following message:

Hi Emma, We would like to address your complaint from the other evening. First of all, a manager did call you back, left a message and you chose to not return that call, probably because you didn’t want to discuss the event’s that occurred at our establishment that evening. We spoke to both bartenders and they are both confident that you did in fact have 2 happy hour drinks. You aren’t hard to forget considering… Out of compassion and being decent human beings we did not charge you a waste-removal fee.

Waste-removal fee, you say?

We were trying not to cause anymore embarrassment or humiliation to you. But after receiving your phone call and seeing this review on yelp, we feel we are justified in defending ourselves. The fact of the matter is you lost control of your bowels in the middle of our restaurant, and you proceeded to sit in it for the remainder of the evening, making more of a mess. We had to reroute our other patrons so they didn’t walk through your mess, causing quite a scene. You then proceeded to throw your underwear away in our trash can and our poor manager working that night was left to clean up your feces. So for you to have the audacity to leave this review when we went above and beyond to make sure you were taken care of is petty and ridiculous. We hope in the future you will think before you act. We would be happy to refund your entire bill with the understanding you will never return to any of our establishments until you are potty trained.

If you’re as confused as I was as to how a restaurant could allow a customer to sit in her own filth for the duration of an entire visit to its establishment, Nick’s Riverside Grill owner Greg Casten followed up with a statement. He writes that the incident actually involved the Fire Department and EMTs, and that Emma C. had refused treatment in an ambulance. The dispute which she outlined in her Yelp review actually took place after the day she pooped herself, when she came to retrieve the credit card which she had understandably forgotten in the chaos of throwing away dirty underwear and being loaded into an emergency vehicle.

Casten says the only reason he, as a restaurant owner, let the whole affair go public was to respond to an unfairly negative review and to “be sure the patron knew what discomfort they had brought to some very hard-working people.”

I guess the moral of the story here is don’t poop where you eat. And if you do, for the love of everything holy don’t complain on Yelp about it. It will not go well for you.

(Washington Citypaper via Eater)