The way that we meet people has changed in this hyper-connected era. Forget about what Clarence the barber told you, you can’t go to a nice quiet place like a library or a church to find a nice girl anymore, now we have dating websites like Match.com, OK Cupid, and Christian Mingle.
With the influx of these sites and the growth of the love business, we’ve had to deal with a ton of commercials advertising their services and the possibility of finding “the one.” Some of these commercials can be identified by either their smooth jazz and easy laughter, some can be identified by their blow job proclamations, and in the case of one JDate ad, more references to Jewish food and family culture than I have heard in my 32 years on this planet as a partially Jewish person. The one thing that I haven’t heard? Promises that a relationship will go so well that your date may allegedly get themselves caught in your chimney. And that is most certainly not a double entendre in this case.
A woman who was arrested after being trapped inside a chimney had met the Thousand Oaks homeowner online and dated him before he recently broke off the relationship, according to the homeowner.
The man told KTLA-TV that he met 30-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa online and had gone on six dates with her.
“She seemed totally cool until the first flag was her actually being on my roof two weeks ago,” said the man, who did not want to be identified.
Soon after, he said, he broke off the courtship. But she apparently returned to his roof again early Sunday.
What’s the better Christmas joke here: Clinger Klaus or Kris Klinger? Whichever one you prefer, pretend that that is the one that I chose.
So, what happened to Ms. Nunez-Figueroa? Busted, that’s what.
Ventura County firefighters worked for two hours, removing each brick in the chimney to rescue Nunez-Figueroa after she became trapped inside, fire officials said.
Firefighters had to pour dish soap down the flue and spray water to grab her arms and pull her out, authorities said.
She was taken to a hospital and later arrested on suspicion of unauthorized entry of a dwelling and of giving false information to a police officer, according to the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department.
I’m dying to know the story behind that “false information” charge, but I know that that will never come to light and I and the rest of the internet will have lost interest in this by tomorrow morning. With that said, if there is a kindhearted mason in Thousand Oaks, maybe hook this guy up with a discount because he could use a break.