If you’ve ever spent any time in the produce section of any grocery store (and for the sake of your personal health, I would hope that you have) you’ve probably noticed cubed butternut squash for sale. This is because butternut squash, on its own, is kind of a pain in the ass to peel and chop, and — while it’s not quite as lazy as, say, pre-sliced avocados — it can save you a minor headache if you’re pressed for time.
Also, if you squint, it kind of looks a little bit like cubed yellow-orange cheese.
Now, you and I both know that butternut squash is not cheese, mostly because it’s typically sitting next to like, pre-bagged salads and cruditΓ©s on the shelf at the grocery store, and also because the container is almost always clearly marked “butternut squash.”
But unfortunately not everyone is as perceptive as you and I, and that’s how SB writer James Dator ended up as witness to the following interaction between a grocery store customer and employee who was definitely not being paid enough to deal with this shit.
A very confused man is attempting to return his open diced butternut squash because he thought it was a giant box of cubed cheese.
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
I can't believe this. They're saying he can't because it's open. He's saying it wasn't clearly labeled.
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
There's a GIANT label that says butternut squash
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
They've agreed to refund his money. Now he's demanding they honor 2 pounds of cubed cheese for $2.97 as if it was priced like squash
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
"Sir we don't have 2 pound bags of cubed cheese"
"I have guests waiting!"
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
He wants them to give him two pounds of block cheese and have the deli counter slice it into cubes for him
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
This is his idea of an amicable solution to accidentally buying labeled squash
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
(Seems reasonable enough?)
Oh god an employee trying to be helpful half heard the conversation and retrieved a whole butternut squash and it's a lot worse now
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
"I DON'T WANT RABBIT FOOD I JUST NEED SOME GOTDANG CHEESE!!!"
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
He's leaving without the cheese and took the squash with him.
— James Dator (@James_Dator) July 22, 2017
Is there anything sadder than butternut squash of defeat? At any rate, Dator’s tweets have since gone viral, and people had both jokes as well as words of empathy for the poor employee.
When life gives you lemons, this guy goes back and asks for nine two-liter bottles of Coke.
— Intellectual Homer Simpson (@tscottgarner) July 23, 2017
Was this person Hank Hill? pic.twitter.com/Ammq36gLqp
— JQ (@JQuick) July 24, 2017
I suspect the cheese was a "you had one job" assignment from his wife and was in desperation mode. #Melonade
— Bill Houle (@DarkSideGeek) July 23, 2017
And he was supposed to buy the cheese yesterday. He's in trouble.
— Jana π¦ (@JanaBananas12) July 24, 2017
Cheese and produce are on polar opposite sides of every supermarket. It's just…even without the label…it's stupefying.
— DubCity Ambassador (@ambriggs) July 23, 2017
Does this guy normally get his cheese in the produce department?
— Trip Somers (@one_pitch_man) July 23, 2017
Working cust service i had a lady try to return bottles of wine saying theyre bad. Not thinking we would open. She had replaced with water.
— john (@Won_Man_Wonder) July 24, 2017
I feel like "every second he spent arguing with store employees was another second his guests went cheeseless" is an important life metaphor
— ββ ππ π‘π π‘ππππ (@NCTopophile) July 24, 2017
Dator’s colleagues at SB Nation also made sure to point out that, yes, cubed butternut squash and cheese do look pretty similar.
π€ pic.twitter.com/LhsD1K6mN3
— SB Nation (@SBNation) July 25, 2017
Yeah, no. Sorry dudes, not buying it.
(Via BroBible)