Welcome back to the Total Divas recaps! We apologize that the second episode recap was delayed, but there were Thanksgiving reasons. The good news is that means you can look forward to TWO Total Divas episode recaps this week! You can find our recap of the season six premiere right here if you need to get caught up, and you can find our Total Bellas recaps over here.
On with the show!
Last week, it was WrestleMania times, and the Divas got renamed “Superstars.” Only in WWE, though. Not on Total Divas, the show with that name. Also, Maryse was revealed as forever enemy of the Bella Twins.
This week, we start with the Monday after WrestleMania in Dallas, also known as “the shittiest wrestling fans of the year.” Nattie Natsplains about how the day after WrestleMania is the beginning of new storylines for the year, and how no one really knows for sure what’s going to happen. Like how we STILL don’t know why Shane McMahon wound up with control of a brand, for example.
Maryse shows up backstage (and Renee greets her with a big “nice knockers”) and Nattie gets bent out of shape, because she thought Maryse was just hanging around for Mania and would be hitting the bricks or pounding sand or whatever it is the French do. She goes to ICE COLD MARK CARRANO to immediately snitch on Maryse hanging out in the locker room. He tells Nattie to chillax, essentially. Nattie is fretting about the “two spots” opening up with the Bellas out, worrying that neither will be used to promote her. She’s right!
Nattie, Lana and Naomi watch backstage as Maryse shows up to slap Zack Ryder’s dad. I had honestly totally forgotten that’s how she re-debuted, but of course I also hadn’t thought about it too hard. Nattie seems pleased.
Oh and now we’re suddenly jumping forward in the timeline to TWO MONTHS LATER. At Nattie’s house, you can see Jim Neidhart’s balls.
Apparently, shot putting is one of Jim’s passion, and he is finally getting a chance to teach Nattie and her sister how to shot put. They head out in the backyard and Jim is just starting to explain how you have to scream when you’re throwing the shot put, but Lana won’t stop calling Nattie and asking her for advice and tips. It’s driving Nattie up the wall, which is in stark contrast to earlier seasons when it drove her up the wall that people wouldn’t ask her for advice. It’s almost as though there’s no pleasing her!
Elsewhere, Brie and NIkki meet for coffee and Nikki breaks the news that they’ll both be on the cover of Latina magazine! Score!
The photo shoot is on Friday, which stresses Brie out because she’ll be ovulating then. Nikki gets pissy, because already this baby bullcrap is interfering with their working lives, and Brie retired from wrestling, not from working. But how do you really feel, Nicole?
Elsewhere, Naomi and Renee are at lunch with Natalya. Nattie is nervous and excited, because she is FINALLY getting a chance to chase the women’s title. And that totally worked out, as far as I remember! She’s going to be busier than ever — I guess because “some matches and television time” is more of a workload than “occasional television time.” But Lana won’t stop blowing up her phone.
Speaking of Lana, she shows up for lunch and the others ask her how her live events have been going. She says she’s been working on her entrance, and tried to show off her flexibility with a tilt.
The other women giggle at the photo while Lana explains that it went viral, which she is not pleased about.
LANA CRUSH. Lana tries to throw Naomi under the bus, saying that she’s the one who told her to hold the pose for longer. Naomi denies this, but Renee astutely points out that Lana should use her own judgement on whether she feels she’s letting her vagina hang out for too long (Renee’s words, not mine). Nattie asks to change the subject, and Lana says she is going to the Performance Center next week and begs Nattie to come help her train. Nattie gives her some of her finest mean mugging in response.
Nattie says she’ll see what her schedule looks like. And suddenly we’re in Los Angeles for Raw! Before the show, Carrano warns Natalya that if she doesn’t blow the roof off the place with Charlotte, they may have to bring in Paige or someone else to give the title feud some extra juice … or just move on to someone else. She says this is a very big deal. “Everyone in this arena, over 15,000 people, need to adore Nattie tonight.” Well … thanks for playing, Nat!
Paige and some others are watching backstage with Seth Green of all people. They’re all complaining about how flat the crowd is, but Charlotte and Nattie manage to get them into it. No one is cheering harder than Paige backstage. At least she’s having fun!
Elsewhere, Naomi is driving back home to Orlando, where everyone is still dealing with the aftermath of the Pulse nightclub shooting. It’s hitting her hard, not just because Orlando is her home, but because she and her uncle went to Pulse all the time. She heads to her uncle’s house and they talk through everything they’re feeling. They were at Pulse just a few weeks before the shooting, so they realize it could have been any of them. Naomi has asked for the week off from WWE to be with her friends and family.
In New York City, Brie and Nikki are heading to their Latina magazine photo shoot. “We have to nail the poses,” says Nikki. I think they’ll probably give you several tries, buddy. While they’re in hair and makeup, Nikki reminds Brie that she has to be around for the launch of Birdiebee, but Brie says she’s only sticking around for one more day, because she gotta make them babies.
Back in Orlando, Naomi and her uncle visit the Pulse memorial.
The show really doesn’t normally whipsaw back and forth in tone like this and it’s a little jarring. But the stuff with Naomi is moving, and she’s really feeling the impact of the shooting.
At Nattie’s house, Lana swings by and they go to the Performance Center and work on her entrance. Nattie is trying to get it all dealt with, but she’s only home for 18 hours this week. They work on her entrance and Nattie sort of gives her the “yeah yeah you nailed it let’s go” treatment.
Back in NYC, Nikki and Brie meet with Daymond John’s team and talk about the final designs for Birdiebee. Daymond wants them to walk the red carpet for a Hispanic women in business event tomorrow, but Brie wants to get back home to her fertile husband. They argue about it in the car and Brie’s number one priority right now is to be a mother, but she’s going to miss her ovulation date now.
Back at Nattie’s house, Lana is still hanging around when Nattie’s parents show up. TJ, of course, died on the way back to his home planet. Jim Neidhart asks Lana to say something in Russian, which he uses to segue into the time he went to Russia to compete in the shot put. He offers to teach her the shot put, and she is adorably thrilled by this.
They head out onto the street to learn shot put rather than the backyard, and I’m sure nothing at all will go wrong! Nattie is, of course, upset that Lana is also learning shot put. SHE’S MY DAD, LANA. And as expected, nothing at all goes wrong by practicing shot put on the street.
“I’ve never seen that happen before,” says Jim. Nattie comes and Natties out about her car getting all smashed up, while everyone else seems pretty nonplussed by it. Except Lana, who is crying out of guilt and shame. Lana offers to take her car to get fixed and pay for it, but Nattie vents that she just wants to spend time with her family, but all she’s done is cater to Lana all day.
Back in Orlando, Naomi and her uncle meet with more friends who worked and were regulars at Pulse. One of the employees gives her a first-hand account of the terrifying night of the shooting. Tears are shed, and Naomi is inspired to do something in the community to pay her respects and help out.
In NYC, Brie and Nicole are still at each others’ throats. They go to a cafe and have a trademark Bellas “10 minutes before the end of the show” heart to heart. Nikki expresses her concerns about how just a short time ago, Bryan was expressing concerns about being a dad and being thunderously depressed, and this seems like a fast turnaround to START A FAMILY NOW. Brie concedes she might have a point.
Lana watches Natalya have a match with Dana Brooke on Raw and is PISSED, because Dana stole one of her moves that they worked on together. She’s livid and needs to talk to Nattie about what to do. She confronts Nattie in tears, and Nattie finally realizes that Lana is a human being with stress and emotions who wants to learn and succeed. Better late than never, Nattie!
Nattie comes to realize that she has a very important role as a mentor and leader, and likes that the other women can come to her. Hey Nattie, I’m glad you finally realized your only talking point ever on this entire show.
Back in Orlando, Naomi and her uncle head to Miracle of Love, which is a non-profit that helps LGBT youth. Naomi gives a speech and unveils a memorial plaque for the 49 victims of the Pulse shooting, then leads a candlelight vigil and moment of silence.
In Phoenix, Brie and Bryan are driving around and Brie asks him if he’s really and truly ready to have kids, and she hopes she’s not pushing him. He says he has concerns, which causes her to question why she even stopped wrestling in the first place. He elaborates that he’s just concerned about dealing with his depression while having kids, but he’s excited to be a father and he’s ready for it. So it all worked out! Right as the episode was ending! It’s uncanny!
Next week (this week), Naomi learns how to ride a motorcycle. And The Miz finally appears! I’m so up for this. Bring it on.
