It’s that time of year again: time for turkey and stuffing (or tofurkey and tofuffing, if you’re not into meat; we don’t judge here), and awkward family interactions. Time to take a couple days off to sit back and reflect on what you have, and what you’re thankful for.
If you happen to be a pro wrestling fan, there’s a whole lot to be thankful for this year. There’s all the great stuff that’s happening all over the world with independent wrestling and New Japan. There’s the mainstream goodness of stuff like “Nature Boy” and Ric Flair getting national acclaim. There’s the fact that Ric Flair is still with us and in fine health!
And in WWE, as much as all of us like to complain now and then, things are pretty dang good. There’s a lot of stuff to like and a lot of highlights in 2017 that we’ll look back on fondly. And there’s so much that happens in WWE on a weekly basis, that you’re forgiven if there are some things that managed to pass you by.
So on that note, let us talk about the wonder of 205 Live’s Drew Dulak. I believe the Gobbledy Gulaker’s plan for a better Thanksgiving is the perfect way to start this celebration.
Yes, Drew Gulak. He first came to WWE as just another pure wrestling nerd in black tights who took part in the Cruiserweight Classic last summer.
At the time he got the call from WWE, Gulak was leading a stable of fellow wrestling purists known as Catch Point over in EVOLVE. He had been a former CZW World Heavyweight Champion, and had garnered acclaim with his in-ring skills and stripped-down approach which made him stand out in otherwise wild-as-hell indie promotions. But in WWE, he had a lot of trouble standing out.
When the cruiserweights were brought up to Raw and given 205 Live as their personal playground, Gulak was mostly notable for not being notable in any way. Rumors were that WWE was considering giving him a gimmick where he couldn’t speak, and could only communicate via signs. That idea eventually morphed into something truly wonderful, as someone backstage thankfully noticed Gulak’s natural propensity for being a dorky goofball.
Thus, Gulak became an oblivious, self-important grassroots politician. He unveiled his plan for a better 205 Live, instituting a NO FLY ZONE and other rules like NO CHANTS, which allowed him to wave around placards and earn the hatred of the fans by trying to take away what were (at that time, at least) the only exciting and fun parts of 205 Live.
And like any good politician or good citizen, he’s man enough to own up to his own mistakes, like when he selflessly issued an apology for losing his cool and resorting to a high-flying move.
Eat your heart out, Anthony Weiner. Does any other public figure have the BALLS to throw themselves on the mercy of the populace like Gulak did there? I think not. I scoff at the mere suggestion.
And like anyone who thinks they’re smarter and more important than they actually are, he’s also thoroughly obsessed with PowerPoint. He’s like the world’s perfect middle manager. Or perhaps assistant TO the middle manager.
How deep does his dedication to PowerPoint go? Well, during a street fight on Tuesday’s episode of 205 Live, he sported taped fists with POWER and POINT written on them. And after being promised a PowerPoint presentation at TLC that fell through, he opted to crash the Kickoff panel.
That’s dedication, people.
As upstanding a citizen as Gulak has been, however, he once ran afoul of the law, when he was arrested by the fashion police.
I don’t see what the big deal is, anyway. Lots of guys in WWE wear underpants. And Gulak is definitely not CAPTAIN Underpants. He doesn’t even know who that is!
(I am also very thankful for Gulak being able to not lose his mind with laughter when Fandango touched faces with him. Bless this man.)
Most recently, Gulak has gained an extra level of visibility by becoming the surrogate (or associate) mouthpiece for current WWE Cruiserwight Champion Enzo Amore. He even got a chance to speak for Enzo entirely back when ‘Zo lost his voice. That’s when the world learned that Gulak might just possibly be the whitest person who has ever graced the face of this planet.
Don’t laugh at him, though. He’s from the streets. And he’s woke. He’s a woke man!
He’s woke, and we’re very, very, very thankful for him. Here’s hoping that we get many, many more years of getting to laugh along with Drew Gulak’s cringe-worthy line readings. We’re the lucky ones.
