Tuesday night, President Donald J. Trump took over the airwaves, demanding everyone listen as he explained why a partial government that doesn’t pay 800,000 of its employees is better than a fully working one that doesn’t shell out over $5 billion dollars for a war intended to stop terrorists who are mostly coming through airports anyway. Before it happened, his national address inspired boycotts and an amusing alternative from the woman who reluctantly helped him commit adultery on the First Lady.
Few were expecting anything but more of the same — more fear-mongering, more false and misleading claims, more taunting of those who stand in his way with their facts and reasoned arguments. But surely everyone was anticipating something, anything new — a fresh piece of intel, a new angle on an old campaign trail punching bag, maybe some old-timey brimstone and hellfire.
Alas, it was not to be. Trump was on his best behavior, so to speak. Which is to say boring — sticking firmly to a script clearly written by someone else, all while trying hard not to sniff too much and make it too obvious he’s not a huge fan of people of color.
There wasn’t much one could do but watch and maybe cry at how this partial shutdown is definitely not ending any time soon. There wasn’t even much to retort that hadn’t been retorted aplenty already. So, in lieu of any good new material, people made jokes.
https://twitter.com/molly_knight/status/1082823630432530432
https://twitter.com/TVietor08/status/1082821290317107200
I know there are more important aspects but consider that the hair tonight was the ideal version of the hair. The squaring on the right side was the product of concerted work.
— Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly) January 9, 2019
Most of the time we see him, the hair was done hours ago or it's been blown a bit by the wind. It's not perfect. This time, he got it just the way he wanted it right before the cameras rolled. Trivial, yes, but the hair is one of the many things I refuse to accept.
— Andy Daly (@TVsAndyDaly) January 9, 2019
Artificial Intelligence is everywhere at CES. You can also watch it live tonight from the White House.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) January 8, 2019
Some brave soul ventured over to Fox News to see what was going on there.
Wow…ousted @FoxNews chief Bill Shine orchestrated the remarks @realDonaldTrump gave from the @WhiteHouse
& within seconds of him finishing those remarks, @FoxNews anchors @ShepNewsTeam & Chris Wallace called out @potus for the LIES & mischaracterizations in those remarks#burn— Stephanie Ruhle (@SRuhle) January 9, 2019
Others laid out some truth.
https://twitter.com/joshgreenman/status/1082822046067974147
Trump, live now, railing against immigrants while sitting beside the photo of his immigrant mother. Shame. pic.twitter.com/Oly64Zy2bF
— Michael Moore (@MMFlint) January 9, 2019
Trump's father is the son of an immigrant who begged a German prince to let him come back to Germany after said Herr Drumpf had renounced Germany. The prince, smartly, refused. We got stuck with him. https://t.co/00ESeZklYE
— Glenn Fleishman @glennf@twit.social (@GlennF) January 9, 2019
Meanwhile, Stormy Daniels did what she promised she would: do her laundry in her undergarments while broadcasting it on Instagram.
As promised, Stormy Daniels is on Instagram Live folding her laundry and listening to Taylor Swift.https://t.co/tt769eIFHQ pic.twitter.com/O0uNpQ2i30
— ally (@missmayn) January 9, 2019
Like Stormy, Sarah Silverman refrained from watching as well.
I’m not watching how’s the stunted reading and nose breathing
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) January 9, 2019
Meanwhile, Merriam-Webster, known for their subtly subtweeting social media expert, dropped this two minutes before Trump when on air.
An old classic on a Tuesday night: https://t.co/VbEeVqyrpT
— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) January 9, 2019
And of course, Megan Amran did what she always does, only better timed than usual.
Today was the day Donald trump finally became president
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 9, 2019
Unfortunately for anyone who hoped Trump might take an L on Tuesday night, the Democrats didn’t do much better.