For Sale At Cannes: ‘Who The F#@k Took My Daughter?’ From Aaron Seltzer And Jason Friedberg

The Cannes Film Festival has arrived, which means it’s time for every filmmaker with any idea in his or her otherwise empty head to hit the streets and bust ass to convince really rich people to give them money. From yesterday through May 25, we’ll be hearing plenty of stories about who wore it best and who paid how much for what, all while Deadline and the real industry scoopers bring us news of the lucky writers and directors whose ideas and passion projects are finally being purchased by the biggest studios for international distribution. And one of the first such stories of hope comes to us from two of FilmDrunk’s favorite filmmakers – Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

According to Deadline, K5 International is trying to sell the latest Seltzberg project that is yet another timely parody attack on a movie franchise and genre that a lot of people enjoy. Their idea? Who the F#@k Took My Daughter? The description… well, prepare to piss out of your eyes from laughter.

The duo will co-write and direct Who The F#@k Took My Daughter? a spoof of the Liam Neeson-starring series of box office hits. Friedberg and Seltzer’s take on Taken will focus on Ryan Miller, described as “a tough, no nonsense, black leather jacket-wearing Liam Neeson type,” whose daughter is kidnapped. Using his “particular set of skills,” Miller will hunt down the abductors and rescue the girl. (Via Deadline)

It’s probably so much funnier when Seltzer and Friedberg tell it, because Kim Kardashian’s there and she’s all, “I’m Kim Kardashian” and they try to kidnap her, but her ass won’t fit through the door. And then Paris Hilton’s like, “That’s hot” and the Ted bear throws up on her while a Transformer shouts, “Oh hell naw!” Meanwhile, the Taken guy, who is probably going to be played by this dude from Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie, will say, “I’ve got a specific set of skills” in a horrible Scottish or Irish accent, and then he’ll rattle off things like “Burping the alphabet, peeing my name into the snow, popping and locking” and then he’ll do that thing with his thumb that makes it look like he detached it. Oh, and Ken Jeong will show up and say something in a really bad Chinese or Japanese accent, because he doesn’t care as long as there’s a dry signature below those zeroes.

But I’m sure that Seltzer and Friedberg have plenty of original jokes that they totally haven’t used before or borrowed from other people to make Who The F#@k Took My Daughter? their funniest parody yet. I have to be honest, though, it’s going to be tough to top the hilarity of last year’s The Starving Games. Warning: There are three clips below, so prepare yourselves if you have weak bladders.