Not content to turn pirates of the Caribbean into ghost chasers, Abraham Lincoln into a vampire hunter, Edgar Allan Poe into a rape detective, Little Red Riding Hood into a werewolf humper, Peter Pan into a 30-year-old wigger, etc., etc., Hollywood now aims its gaping flatulent butthole of crap ideas at Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. A month ago I reported that Val Kilmer would be playing Wyatt Earp in a new take on the iconic lawman. Today, we’ve got news of ANOTHER Wyatt Earp/Doc Holliday project, including a plot synopsis, and mother of God, all the tack hammers and all the cocaine in all the world could not make me dream up an idea this wildly idiotic:
Warner Bros. has preemptively picked up Wild Guns, a spec by T.S. Nowlin for Gianni Nunnari and his Hollywood Gang shingle to produce.
Described as having shades of Tombstone and Sherlock Holmes, the story is set shortly after the Civil War and follows legendary gunslingers Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. The duo team-up to rescue the daughter of Sitting Bull, who has been kidnapped by a powerful Shaman with mysterious powers who is terrorizing the Western plains. [THR]
Oh God, the hot, vaguely ethnic sidekick, the watered-down, sugarcoated, politically-correct alternate history, the supernatural Macguffin… it sounds as if someone read Jerry Bruckheimer’s Soulless Drivel for Dummies. And this wasn’t just an abandoned script, it was bought BY THE STUDIO THAT MADE INCEPTION. Ask yourself this: have you ever seen the words “powerful Shaman” show up in a good synopsis? Last I remember it was in reference to Weekend at Bernies 2 or Like Father Like Son (with Kirk Cameron and Dudley Moore). But at the very least, this means there’s still a part for Nic Cage.