Popeyes may be out of their instant classic chicken sandwich until further notice, but KFC knows they’ll never win this battle, even if they created some concoction with, let’s say, Cheetos as well as a kind of Cheetos-mayo sauce. So they’ll have to think outside the box — like, way, way out of the box. And indeed they have. As per IGN, they’re launching what no fried chicken joint would ever dare do: a dating game wherein the goal is to woo a sexy Colonel Sanders.
The forthcoming sim — entitled I Love You, Colonel Sanders — allows one to play a culinary student who really, really loves the Colonel’s secret recipe. Granted, this appears to be a younger Sanders, albeit with hot premature white hair, as well as the patented wispy goatee, the Colonel apparently having gone white prematurely à la Steve Martin or Lee Marvin. And you’ll have to fight for him, battling for his affections alongside heated rivals who also want to learn what makes his chicken so crispy and delicious.
The game sounds pretty intense, with “multiple” hours of gameplay and about a dozen characters, among them a dog who’s also a professor. Do you have that time and energy to conquer all of the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices? Or will you settle for making jokes on Twitter about your deeply conflicted feelings over Hot Colonel Sanders Who F*cks?
if you’ve always wanted to fuck colonel sanders then you’re in luck because kfc appears to have created a dating sim pic.twitter.com/2c2SLyuYYL
— David Farrier (@davidfarrier) September 10, 2019
"My therapist says Daddy Sanders isn't real. He can't attract me.
He was wrong." -Rants pic.twitter.com/GPJVOc8Obi
— Out of context Crafty Monkeys (@Monkeys_txt) September 10, 2019
new colonel sanders looks like the kid from tiktok that hates gays https://t.co/x3jr1cs9Vk
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) September 10, 2019
me looking at screenshots of Colonel Sanders in that KFC dating simulator pic.twitter.com/Hsiu9FtD8j
— anjali patel (@anjapatel) September 10, 2019
Popeyes: we've got a new chicken sandwich
KFC: we've got a dating sim pic.twitter.com/8LXNV9f2W5
— Nerdist (@nerdist) September 10, 2019
KFC dating sim where you're factory farmed chickens. How about that. Would make you think. But they'll never do it, because lack of chicken audience. It's fucked up.
— Junji Ito's Henry Dubb (@bombsfall) September 10, 2019
You can watch a trailer for the sim here.